1. I may not be the best looking guy here but im the only one taking to you!

2. Is that a mirror youre wearing, cos I can see myself in your pants!

3. Hi, Im Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me!

4. Is that a ladder on your tights or a stairway to heaven?!

5. Do you want to cum back to mine for a fuck and a pizza?

6. "I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours? "

7. If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole

8. Excuse me miss, I want to wear your thighs as ear muffs!!

9. You have beautiful legs, so what time do they open!?

10.You are like a parking ticket, youve got fine written all over you!

11.(As bird is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? Bird: What?
Bloke Me!

12. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.

13. Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

14. "Excuse me, is your name Gillette? cause you're the best a man can get"!

15. "The word of the day is legs. Let's go back to my gaff and spread the word"!

16. "Your place or mine? Tell you what? I'll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours."

17. Do you kno what a polar bear weighs? All I kno dat it breaks the ice, now fancy a shag??

10.We are experts wen it comes 2 using our hands!
9. We have a nice stroke!
8. We are used to scoring!
7. When it gets hard we always pull through!
6. We have a very powerful "drive"!
5. We wear shorts to play games!
4. We only play in teams!
3. We don't mind getting dirty !
2. We know how to handle sticks and balls!
1. We can go for 70 minutes in 15 different positions.......crikey!!

". . . and Brian Dooher is down injured. And while he is, I'll tell ye a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a newstand and I said 'I suppose ye wouldn't have the Kerryman would ye?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?' He had both . . . so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet . . ."

"Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back will be the last person to let you down . . . his people are undertakers"

"I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey. Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Dublin's Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, it's a goal! So much for religion."

"Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. It's over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery."

"1-5 to 0-8 . . . well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language."

"Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now . . . but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail . . . I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!"

"I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork, sponsored by a tae company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tae."

"Teddy looks at the ball . . . the ball looks at Teddy"

"Danny 'The Yank' Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well."

"He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50 . . . he's on the 40 . . . he's on the 30 . . . he's on the ground."

"In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball."

"He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point . . . it went wide."

"Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly . . . Stephen, one of 12 . . . all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house . . . and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce . . ."

"Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21, fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide . . . and the dog lost as well."

"Sean Og O Hailpin . . . his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold."

"Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation."