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Nobody is perfect,
Perfect is God only;
Therefore, God is Nobody.
Therefore, He does not exist.
God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Therefore, Ray Charles is God.
I stink, therefore I am,
Thus the less you stink the less real you are.
Cleanliness is next to godliness;
The cleaner you are the less you stink,
Therefore God doesn't exist.
0 Comments 298 weeks
\Rather than live off food and drink, T absorbs the energies of crushed self-esteem from the fools he has pitied.
\Hitler found out that Mr.T pitied him and shot himself.
\Mr. T once pitied the Sun. An ice age followed.
\Additionally, every time Mr. T pities a foo, a female porn star regains her virginity, then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
\Every time Mr. T crosses his arms, the terror alert in the United States raises to gold.
\Every time the terror alert reaches gold, the government hires Mr. T
\Mr. T once bit off more than he could chew. He ate it anyway
\As would be expected, he has on overabundance of T cells, and is therefore unlikely to contract AIDS.
\Mr. T invented the T-Virus as a way of advertising Snickers.
\Mr. T spawned the United States Civil Rights Movement by sitting in the front of a public bus, causing all passengers of every race, including the white driver, to move to the back.
\Due to a crippling doorknob allergy, T's only method of passing through a door is to kick it down.
\mr t isnt black the sun is just afraid to shine on him
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T pities fools because even fools deserves their daily dose of vitamin T.
Mr. T and Chuck Norris once encountered each other on a lonesome British path. Before the inevitable battle could begin, the earth shat itself and created Scotland.
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear.
Mr. T. does not break wind. He destroys it.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
Despite popular belief, Mr. T in fact ended the civil rights movement by getting on a bus....all caucasian people moved to the back.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
Mr. T coined the phrase, "I see dead people," after the waiting staff at Denny's forgot his birthday.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
Yoda had two sons. To one he taught pity, to the other he gave the gift of the beard.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
Mr. T puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
All of the gold in Fort Knox is fake. The U.S.'s actual treasury is chains worn by Mr. T around his neck.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Why does Mr. T pity himself? He'll never get to have sex with M
0 Comments 319 weeks
1. Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. Chuck Norris defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you’re still alive, it’s because Chuck Norris loves you.
6. Chuck Norris isn’t hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
7. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
8. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.
9. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
10. Chuck Norris can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
11. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
12. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
13. Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people
14. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
15. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
16. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
17. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
18. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
19.When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris instead.
20. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
21. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
22. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
0 Comments 319 weeks