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Two And A Half Men
- Zejdz z Moich Wlosów [a.k.a. Get Off My Hair]
- Me, Myself, and I
- Two and a Half Men is an Emmy Award nominated television sitcom centered around a freewheeling bachelor, Charlie, whose carefree lifestyle is interrupted when his newly separated brother, Alan, moves in, along with Alan's son Jake. Charlie and his nephew form an "unsuspecting bond" with each other. Two and a Half Men won the 2004 People's Choice Award for Favorite New Comedy Series, the 2006 People's Choice Award for Favorite TV Comedy, and was the highest rated sitcom of the 2005-2006 season on American television.
Alan: What's the matter with you?
Charlie: I just had lunch with my mother and my stalker... They spent the afternoon eating off each other's plates and discussing my fear of intimacy.
Alan: You do have that you know.
Evelyn Harper: I'm not speaking to you.
Evelyn Harper: Do you want to know why?
Charlie: No, I trust your judgment.
Charlie: I'll admit you're kookie Judith. But compared to our mother you're like a fart in a hurricane.
[Charlie has run into some financial trouble]
Charlie: I can't do this anymore. I quit.
Alan: You can't quit poverty, Charlie.
Alan: How do I look?
Charlie: [not looking] You look great. All men want to be you, all women want to be with you.
Alan: You're not even looking.
Charlie: [looks] I stand corrected. All men want to be with you...
Charlie: [after Jake spends a night at Evelyn's house] Do you realize that he
Charlie: did in one night, what we could never do in our lifetime.
Alan: He broke her.
Charlie: He chewed her up and spit her out.
Alan: It was a beautiful thing.
female psychiatrist: Do you want to talk about your relashionship problems?
female psychiatrist: Your father?
female psychiatrist: Your mother?
Charlie: She killed him.
female psychiatrist: Do you want to tell me about that?
Charlie: I just did!
Alan: You'll go to mom's funeral, won't you Charlie?
Charlie: Of course! As the eldest son, it's my duty to pound the last stake into her heart.
Alan: That's typical, nothing for Alan to do.
Charlie: Alright, you can chop off her head and put it onto a stake for the villagers.
Alan: Thank you!
Charlie: [while shopping for perfume for the mother] We're looking for perfume for our mother's birthday.
Female worker in department store: Do you know what her favourite scent is?
Charlie: Yes, do you have Chanel #666?
Charlie: Drugs! Get me drugs!
Alan: No. Medication will only mask the pain.
Charlie: Fine, mask it! Give it a cape and let it fight crime, I don't give a damn!
Alan: Hold on Mom,
[puts a hand over the phone]
Alan: Charlie, Mom says if she is ever comatose, she wants you to decided to pull the plug or not.
Charlie: [doesn't even think about it] Pull.
Alan: Mom, Charlie's on board
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- Two And A Half Men Theme Download