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- Me, Myself, and I
- well where shall i start.maybe i shoodna tell you coz youl all just want to be me.i live in a bonny wee town where-right ats your lot.now im fed up o you so clear off n stop lookin at me.see ya,dina want to be ya!!blblblblbl
- crystal method, faithless, chilis, prima
l scream, janis joplin, bowie, doors, who, stones
, led zep, jimi, leftfield, muse, kasab
ian, QOTSA, tiesto, skunk anansi, the music, chem bros, floyd, pendulum, kravitz, p
rodigy, scooter-yeeha!, hard euphoria, techno, frantic, shall i go on?no coz il be here forever n i have better fings to do ya eejit.
- 51st state, quentins, matrix, mission impos', quirky stuff, jack blacks, tenacious ds pick o destiny, margaret rutherfords marple, carry ons, human traffic, spaced, austin powers coz o the teeth fing, jim carreys, truman show is one o ma faves, makes me greet every time at the same bit.but always funny shit the best, coz i dina like greety shit.
- bein a professional pleasure giver, sx, d, n r n r, karate, voodoo, runnin 2 t shop, stealin soles, ass whippin n skelpin anyone who will let me loose on their bare ass, cuddlin(aye after the skelpin-obviously)n probably before t giving, entertaining n outertaining -within reason
- Scared Of
- friends, family n pets dying, beasties wi mare than 4 legs, t sun going behind a cloud fan ur paddlin ur feet n t sea goes dark, t sea, low heights, ma parachute failin, ma brain dyin, dribblin in ma sleep fan sum1s wochin, at sexy fucker leavin supernatural, odd numbers, runnin oot o space, forgetin how 2 spell, losin ma sense o humour, losin t 1 i luv, t 1 i luv nae goin fan im fed up o him, my fave jeans nae fittin onymare, 4gettin bout ma pelvic floors, forgettin 2 set ma vid 4 bbs final, becoming a grumpy al fucker.
- Happiest When
- fan all is well in jennyland-happy kid, healthy family, bills paid, food in fridge, laughin, gan out wi pals n getn the heed on, lying sunbathin in ma garden wi sum good tunes on mp3 n tiny wee clouds, knowin i know a lot mare than u fink, seein wi ma eyes shut, baby birdies in t garden nae getn eaten by my cat, makin folk laugh, givin pressies folk like, havin a proper cuddle, makin luv, nae gettin a hard time fan i dina deserve it.nae in at order tho like......see?
- o hello
- wots this box for?i was not made aware of there being spare boxes
- yikes! heres another 1
- ana like control freaks, upside doon faces(unless its ma own), duds, nae havin enuf money 4 t job in hand, nae bein able 2 play my tunes as loud as i want, folk moanin, rude kids, thieves, liars, bullies, wo
rkin t weekend fan sumfin goods happenin, nettie nae havin a summer party, periods, presumtion, folk tellin me fit 2 do, closed minds, photos of me, losin touch wi friends.
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Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl
'Will you marry me?' The girl said:
'NO!' And the girl lived happily ever
after and went shopping, dancing, camping, drank martinis, ate chocolate, always
had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted,
never argued, didn't get fat, travelled more, had many lovers, didn't save
money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never
watched sports, never wore friggin 'lacy lingerie that went up her a*se,
had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in
sweat pants and was pleasant all the time. The End.
0 Comments 261 weeks
i cana frikin believe it!!
0 Comments 262 weeks
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer. The effects of the Tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring
about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipsh!t,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!
I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I c
1 Comment 264 weeks
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