Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel
very well waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me

As it turned out, she barely said good morning,

let alone "Happy Birthday."

I thought...
Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,

"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday! "
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door
and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing

I've heard all day. Let's go!"

We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each and
I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said,

"You know, It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment,

it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom

for just a moment.
I'll be right back."
"Ok," I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out carrying a huge birthday cake .
Followed by my wife, my kids,
and dozens of my friends and co-workers,

all singing "Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.

FRIENDSHIP!!!
1. When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against
the sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be until you stop moaning.

6. When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the fuck away from me until you are well
again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will
help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend
will be sitting next to you saying, "Fuck.... that was funny!"

FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU ! FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!