You know you've worked too long in a lab when...


1. You wonder what absolute alcohol tastes like with orange juice


2. You can tell what cheap and expensive white coats look like

3. You can't watch CSI without cursing at least one scientific
inaccuracy

4. You use acronyms for everything and never stop to elaborate

5. Liquid nitrogen is only about a 1/3 as dangerous as you
thought

6. You always seem to use the microscope after the person with
the impossible close together eyes

7. Accident reports are a badge of honour

8. You've wondered why you can't drink distilled water in the lab
- It should be clean?

9. You give the lab equipment motivational pep talks such as
"Work for me today or I'll reprogram you with a fire axe"

10. You've worked out that a trained chimp could probably do 90%
of your job

11. When a non-scientist asks you what you do for a living you
roll your eyes and talk science at them until they've lost the
will to
live (mainly for fun)

12. You have to check the web to find out what the weather is
outside

13. You realize that almost anything can be classed as background
reading

14. People wearing shorts under a lab coat disturb you slightly
as they look as though they might be naked underneath

15. Although all cooking is a glorified chemistry experiment you
just still can't seem to get it right

16. Safety equipment is optional unless it makes you look cool

17. Warning labels invoke curiosity rather than caution

18. The Christmas nightout reveals scientists can't dance,
although a formula for the movement of hands and feet combined
with
beats per min is found scrawled on a napkin by a waiter the next
day

19. You know which part of the lab you can chill out undisturbed
on friday afternoon

20. You decide the courses and conference you want to go on by
the quality of the food served

21. You are strangely proud of the collection of junk you've
stolen from vendors at trade shows

22. You've used dry ice to cool beer down

23. No matter what the timings in the experiment protocol there
is always time for lunch in the middle

24. You can no longer spell normal words but have no trouble with
spelling things like immunohistochemistry or deoxyribonucleic
acid

25. Burning eyes, nose and throat indicate that you haven't
actually turned on the fumehood/downdraft bench

26. Your slightly too fond of the smell of (pick one or many)
Xylene/Agar/Ethanol/Undergraduates
 /Alcoholic handwash

27. You've left the lab wearing a piece of PPE because you forgot
you had it on

28. You moan about not being able to pipette by mouth any more


29. Security come round at 2 am wondering why the lights are
still on only to find you with your arms up to your elbows in a
glovebox


30. you have made some kind of puppet out of a nitrile glove and
kept it as a pet (Putting dry ice in makes for a rapidly
expanding if
short lived pet - )

31. When at a Fall Out Boy gig you wonder why everyone is going
round with Faecal Occult Blood (FOB) written on their head!!!!

32. You have an irresistible urge to rip your shirt off superman
style cos it has press stud fasteners just like your lab
coat.....Most
often occurring as you walk through a door just like exiting the
lab....
(The worlds of strippers and lab workers collide, not pretty)

33. You still get amusement out of "freezing" things in liquid
nitrogen!

34. Blinking real fast has saved your eyesight on more than one
occasion.

35. You've removed your g

Clarke's three laws:
"When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong."
"The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible."
"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

"The truth, as always, will be far stranger."

"Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we're not. In either case the idea is quite staggering."

"How inappropriate to call this planet Earth, when clearly it is Ocean."

Of UFOs: "They tell us absolutely nothing about intelligence elsewhere in the universe, but they do prove how rare it is on Earth."

"Somewhere in me is a curiosity sensor. I want to know what's over the next hill. You know, people can live longer without food than without information. Without information, you'd go crazy

YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! scababababababelobadobaratalatanan
 anananananana. Thank god for that. Although, i'm never buying the daily mirror again.