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Global warming has been troubling me for quite some time now. Initially I saw the issue simply as 'the millennium bug of the contemporary era', but after reading a couple of articles in the West Australian, along with a feature story on both Today Tonight and A Current Affair it seems clear that this global threat will inevitably put an end to the entire human race.
Yes, this is very distressing but do not fear because I have some tips to stop global warming and cool the climate.
- NO CARS: Instead of driving a car, run to work. Yes, you may be fired for constantly arriving late and in a stinky, sweaty state. But despite the fact that you are unemployed and have no way to pay off the mortgage, no way to support your family, or no way to pay rent, you can sleep well (outside the house you used to own) knowing that future generations will live comfortably in a relatively cool, not too humid environment.
- DO NOT use aerosol sprays, detergents, washing powder, shampoo, conditioner, bleach etc. In general steer clear of anything considered to be a cleaning product introduced in the last one hundred and fifty years.
- REDUCE BREATHING RATE: Exhaling whilst breathing is a major cause of ever increasing carbon dioxide gas emissions. To reduce the level of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, breath only when you need to, don’t be greedy and breath more than four times a minute because you are killing mother nature with any more breaths than that you murderer.
- Go to LIVE EARTH concerts. A concert is sure to stop the threat of global warming, so sing and dance to the music as hard as you possibly can to cool our climate. Personally I despise music and had no intention of going to Live Earth, but purchased three hundred tickets to the concert anyway because I wanted to help the environment.
- SUMMARY: You may end up in the gutter stinking like shit, dirt poor, hungry, homeless, suffering from a lack of oxygen to the brain (from hardly breathing), and wondering what the fuck to do with three hundred Live Earth tickets no one wants, but always remember your climate needs you! Things, like food, water, money, hygiene, shelter and your health are simply selfish pursuits that get in the way of climate change, so get up off your bum right now you greedy selfish slob and start cooling our fucking climate.
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