MARTIN - "We've got Mary!"
BOXER - "What?"
DREBIN - "You're bluffing!"
MARTIN - "Oh, yeah?"
BOXER - "Mary's scarf!"
DREBIN - "He could have gotten that anywhere."
MARTIN - "How 'bout this?"
BOXER - "Mary's purse!"
DREBIN - "There are millions of purses like that."
MARTIN - "How 'bout this?"
BOXER - "Mary's toaster!"
DREBIN - "Oh, my God!"
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"You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street or sticking your face in a fan!"
-Frank Drebin
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JANE - "He had a moustache, about 6ft 4."
FRANK - "That's an awfully big moustache!"
-----------------------------------------------
"Like a midget at a urinal, I was going to have to keep on my toes."
-Frank Drebin
-----------------------------------------------
"Sorry, we would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then."
-Frank Drebin
-----------------------------------------------
(During chess game)
TONY - "Your Bishop is exposed..."
FRANK - "It's ... these pants ... I usually wear a looser cut."
-----------------------------------------------
BLACK INMATE - "Take it from me this place here changes a man."
FRANK - "Oh yeah, in what way?"
BLACK INMATE - "I used to be white! I was the drummer for the Osmonds."
ROCCO - "Screw with me - he'll make you feel pain like you've never felt before."
FRANK - "I know, I remember the Osmonds."
-----------------------------------------------
Ed - "Well, let's say you were there when the man was shot."
Suspect - "Okay."
Both - "YOU WERE THERE WHEN THE MAN WAS SHOT!"
-----------------------------------------------
MIMI - "That was just her stage name, her real name is Mary Coffee."
ED - "Coffee?"
MIMI - "No thank you."
-----------------------------------------------
FRANK - "We think we know how he did it."
SALLY DECKER - "Howie couldn't have done it he hasn't been in for Weeks."
-----------------------------------------------
JANE - "Could I interest you in a nightcap?"
FRANK - "No thank you. I don't wear them."
-----------------------------------------------
"I'm sure we can handle this as the mature, responsible adults that we are, isn't that right? Mr. Poopy Pants!"
-Frank Drebin
-----------------------------------------------
VILLIAN - "Who are you and how did you get in here?"
DREBIN - "I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith!"
-----------------------------------------------
FRANK - "Are you sure you'll be able to beat the champ tomorrow?"
BOXER - "I can take him blindfolded!"
FRANK - "Well, what if he's not blindfolded?"
BOXER - "I can still take him!"
-----------------------------------------------
Sally: "Well, I first heard the shot, and as I turned, Jim fell."
Det. "Frank Drebin: Jim Fell's the teller?"
Sally: "No, Jim Johnson."
Det. "Frank Drebin: Who's Jim Fell?"
Ed: "He's the auditor, Frank."
Sally: "He had the flu, so Jim... filled in."
Det. "Frank Drebin: Phil who?"
Ed: "Phil Din. He's the night watchman."
Sally: "Oh, if only Phil had been here..."
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Widow: "Do you know what it's like to be married to a wonderful man for fourteen years?"
Drebin: "No, I can't say that I do."

"Its an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a
call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."
Southampton manager Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney

Reporter: "Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?"
Strachan: "I dont care, I'm Scottish"

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: "Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are
the right man to turn things around?"
Strachan: "No, I think they should have got George Graham because
I'm useless."

Reporter: "Is that your best start to a season?"
Strachan: "Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure."

Reporter: "Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?"
Strachan: "You're spot on! You can read me like a book."

Reporter: "Defeat today, tell us your thoughts"
Strachan: "I've got more important things to think about. I've got a
yogurt to finish, the expiry date is today."

Reporter: "This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
to get your first win under your belt, won't you?"
Strachan: "You're right. It is a daft question, you're spot on there."

Reporter: "Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: "No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home,
become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge."

Reporter: "There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: "Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here.
I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man,
down."

Reporter: "Where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?"
Strachan: "Not telling you! It's a secret."

Reporter: "You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?"
Strachan: "I don't take stupid comments lightly either."

Reporter: "So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?"
Strachan: "What areas? Mainly that big green one out there...."

"Real Madrid are like a rabbit in the glare of the headlights in the face of Manchester United's attacks. But this rabbit comes with a suit of armour in the shape of two precious away goals."
Simply the greatest sentence ever uttered.


“And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear.”
George alludes to the giant African mammal renowned for its mighty leaps.


"Russia have beaten Ireland 4-2, Albania 4-1 and now Switzerland 4-1 at home. It would be a wise man who bet against them beating Georgia."
Bet George Hamilton's a popular man down his local bookies.


”What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer!"
Jukebox George gives vent to his musical bent.


”The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside.”
Reckon Keano would have got the hammer out.


“The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open.”
George is all at sea with this maritime metaphor.


"Glum Oranges. In fact I think the fruit their feelings are more akin to is a lemon."
The coup de grace from Ireland’s defeat of Holland.


“We could let them score one now and they wouldn't have time to score another.”
George perhaps reveals why he choose commentary above coaching as he comes up with a novel way of running down the clock.


”Kevin Moran.....oldest man on the pitch today...35 years of age.....of course the referee could possibly be older than that ......and technically he's on the pitch too.....then again his linesmen could be even older than him... but are they technically 'on' the pitch.”
George digs and digs 'til daylight is but a distant memory.


”That should be NO problem for the defence - OH NOOOO!!"
A familiar refrain.

"Poland have to score twice now to draw and they will not do so."
The Poles duly knock one in. Minutes later.....


"I might be tempting fate but I can't see the Poles Scoring...OH NOOOO they just have!!"
By Danger Here's calculations, George is directly responsible for 87% of the goals Ireland have conceded during his reign in the gantry.


George: "Roy Carsley has it"
Jim: "Lee Carsley, George"
George: "Ah yes, perhaps it's because his head reminds me of Ray Wilkins"


“Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio”
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.


“And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio.”
George surely was the only one not to know.


”The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related.”
But at least he cleared it up. Or did he?


”The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton's almighty weedkiller.”
George goes green in Italia 90


“If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!”
George reveals his oriental background after a perfectly correct refereeing decision.


“You sir, are an idiot!”
George politely rebukes Lilian Laslandes after a red card offence.


“He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!”
Our George thinks THE George as Butragueno is replaced.


”Red Sky at night, good day tomorrow.”
George reckons that the popular proverb needs a little simplification


”Bless my soul, he’s missed it!”
George is disappointed in Simone Inzaghi's penalty taking skills.


"Two nil and the ability to score goals in seventeen consecutive matches, getting the ball in the net, it, the shape of what we're to expect, even if Iran are good, has to be positive."
George in succinct stylist mode


"And we're now