>
>
>''My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about 7."
>David Beckham
>
>"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the
>league."
>Mark Viduka
>
>"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well,
>he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the
>best manager I've ever had."
>David Beckham
>
>"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of
>bed at the end of the day."
>Neville Southall
>
>"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of
>which were disputable."
>Paul Gascoigne
>
>II've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and
>hopefully after that as well."
>Alan Shearer
>
>"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
>Mark Draper
>
>"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll
>win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out."
>Peter Shilton
>
>"I faxed a transfer request to the club at the beginning of the week,
>but let me state that I don't want to leave Leicester."
>Stan Collymore
>
>"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on
>the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at
>Birmingham.
>My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out
there
>playing."
>Ade Akinbiyi
>
>"Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match."
>Ian Wright
>
>"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier."
>Ugo Ehiogu
>
>"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I
>live in Middlesborough."
>Jonathan Woodgate
>
>"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
>Stuart Pearce
>
>"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my
>right."
>Lee Hendrie
>
>"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country."
>Ian Rush
>
>"Germany are a very difficult team to play...they had 11 internationals
>out there today."
>Steve Lomas
>
>"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my
>right sock."
>Barry Venison
>
>"I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into
>what religion yet."
>David Beckham
>
>"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more
>European."
>Phil Neville
>
>"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed."
>Mitchell Thomas
>
>"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my
>best."
>Alan Shearer
>
>"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
>Johnny Giles
>
>"Sometimes in football you have to score goals."
>Thierry Henry
>
>

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-hoo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-hoo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.