..._...|..____________________, ,
....../ `---___________----_____|] = = = <>
...../_==o;;;;;;;;_______.
.....), ---.(_(__) /
....// (..) ), ----\\\"
...//___//
..//___//
.//___//

DIE YOU SHITBAG!

Dear Blog readers we are at war! A Smurf broke into my house today, well he just came up to the door but I pulled him through the letter box and stabbed him repeatedly with my David Hasselhoff doll...I mean action figure! Anyway, I believe this to be an attack on all humans by those evil smurf fucks! We must all stick together and fight for the shitty human race! TONIGHT WE ATTACK SMURF VILLAGE!!! GO FOR PAPA SMURF, HE IS THEIR LEADER!!

PS. Supply your own tools of death.

Dear Blog...
...I was looking out my window today when I saw a small child with what APPEARRED to be a TOY gun but because of my many years in Vietnam (On holiday, not in the war) I could not take any chances. I rushed to the shed, where I grabbed my emergency jar of acid (I told people it would come in handy some day) and ran outside to confront the child. The child turned, his gun pointing my direction, and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before he pulled the trigger. As quick as a flash, I threw the jar of acid at the small boys face. The jar exploded on impact and burned the flesh from bone. Then I kicked the hand that carried the deadly weapon, breaking his tiny wrist into several pieces. Although he was disarmed he still posed a threat...so one well placed judo chop to the throat incapacitated him. He fell to the ground and passed out. I did it! I saved the day I thought to myself but upon closer inspection...it turned out the gun actually was a toy........I'll get him something nice for christmas.