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- Me, Myself, and I
- Insert information about Chris Pimm here.
- AC/DC, Airbourne, Guns N' Roses, Joe Satriani, Kaiser Chiefs, David Bowie, Queen, Feeder, Ash, R.E.M., Nirvana, Oasis, Stereophonics, Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Who and of course "Weird Al" Yankovic. Plus all sorts of other stuff that's too random to put on here.
- Pretty much any comedy or action film. Fave film: Forrest Gump.
- Motorsports (the best sport), Pool, Snooker, and a bit of Cricket & Rugby. Definitely NOT Football.
- Scared of
- Heights and Scott.
- QI, Top Gear, South Park, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, Happy Tree Friends, Jerry Springer, The Steve Wilkos Show, Mythbusters, Takeshi's Castle, Father Ted, The IT Crowd, Life On Mars, Ashes to Ashes, CSI, ER, Frasier, Hollyoaks, Big Brother, Brainiac: Science Abuse, Scrapheap Challenge, Road Wars, Taxi, Cops, CHiPs, Knight Rider, Starsky & Hutch, The Dukes of Hazzard, The A-Team - and for some randomness, New Yankee Workshop with good ol' Norm.
- Who/What annoys me
- Ignorance, stupidity, political correctness, ITV, obese kids, people who complain to Ofcom, people who ask questions all the time, people who talk all the time, people who don't listen, people who think that they know everything, people who get drunk just for the sake of it, people who get married and have kids by the time they're 20, people who think they should be the centre of attention all the time, people who play the same song over and over, kids, football, my Dad, Pete Doherty, Amy Winehouse, Ant & Dec, James Allen, Georgie Thompson, Andy Priaulx, the FIA, Paris Hilton, Jo Whiley, Bible bashers, text speak, Iceland adverts, people who sing along to the radio/CD's and bad spelling.
- People who I hate
- Bernie Ecclestone, Max Mosley, Earl Strickland
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A MAN was operated on in Hornsby Hospital early today to remove 16 stainless steel washers from his penis.
Berowra Fire Rescue officers were called to alleviate the man from his awkward predicament at 3am.
It was not clear how the situation arose.
The man may well have thought long and hard about placing himself in the difficult situation.
Fire Rescue Officers spent more than an hour unsuccessfully attempting to remove the washers, before the man was taken into an operating theatre about 4.30am.
Surgeons took about 90 minutes to remove the washers using fire brigade equipment.
A hospital spokesman said equipment normally used to remove rings from fingers was ineffective because of the thicker nature of the washers.
The man was in a satisfactory condition.
It is believed the only lasting damage may be to his pride.
(Yes, that really happened )
0 Comments 268 weeks
Prince Charles decided to take up jogging.
Every day, he'd jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner.
He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.
'One hundred and fifty pounds!' she'd shout from the curb.
'No! Five pounds!' He would fire back, just to shut her up.
This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.
He'd run by and she'd yell, 'One hundred and Fifty pounds!'
He'd yell back, 'Five pounds!'
One day, Camilla decided that she wanted to accompany her 'husband' on his jog.
As the jogging couple neared the working woman's street corner, Prince Charles realised she'd bark her £150 offer and Camilla would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings.
He figured he'd better have a good explanation for his wife.
As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, he became even more apprehensive than usual.
Sure enough, there was the hooker. He tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.
Then, from her corner, the hooker yelled: 'See what you get for five pounds, you tight bastard?!'
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local
golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, 'Do you mind
if I join you? My partner didn't turn up.'
'Sure,' they said, 'You're welcome.' So they started playing and enjoyed The
game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the
friends asked the newcomer, 'What do you do for a living?'
'I'm a hit man,' was the reply
'You're joking!' was the response.
'No, I'm not,' he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a
beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. 'Here are my
'That's a beautiful telescopic sight,' said the other friend, 'Can I take a
look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.' So he picked
up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.
'Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see
right in the window.' 'Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can
see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with
her...... He's naked, too!!!
He turned to the hit man, 'How much do you charge for a hit?'
'I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.'
'Can you do two for me now?'
'Sure, what do you want?'
'First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.'
'Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to
teach him a lesson.'
The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few
'Are you going to do it or not?' said the friend impatiently.
'Just be patient,' said the hit man calmly,’ I think I can save you a grand
0 Comments 271 weeks
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem ?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal : 'What is 3 x 3 ?'
Harry : '9.'
Principal : 'What is 6 x 6 ?'
Harry : '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal,' Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have ?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question !
Harry replied : 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks : 'What does a dog do that a man steps into ?'
Harry : 'Pants.'
Ms. Brooks : What starts with a C , ends with a T , is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid ?'
Harry : ' Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks :' What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky ?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks : 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs ?'
Harry : 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks : 'What word starts with an 'F ' and ends in ' K ' that means a lot of heat and excitement ?'
Harry : 'Fire truck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,' Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'
0 Comments 282 weeks