Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Being irish is about driving in a German car to an scottish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or ,aTurkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most irish thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in ireland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in ireland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in ireland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in ireland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in ireland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in ireland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in ireland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

NOT TO MENTION..

3 irish ppl die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 irish ppl were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 irish ppl are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 irish ppl have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 irish ppl have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 irish ppl had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 irish ppl were admitted to A&E in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 irish ppl were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

and finally...

In 2000 eight irish ppl were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

If you're proud to be irish, send this on!

IRELAND - Love it, or Leave it!