Though i was originally going to write in this journal to keep my friends/relatives up to date ive decided that there is no point. The people that would read this usually just call me or write me and i am through wasting my time whining about everything going on and that im just going to live my life and look to the future not the past but before i do i will write just one last entry.

I spoke with my project director at inventech and he and his company think my engine design is a home run and that i am probably going to become filthy stinking rich.

Well that was it now im gone wasting my time writing and im just going to live my life one day at a time.

LATER YALL

Well its happened im not sure what will happen with it but it finally happened. I MOVED ON. i dont know if it will work because there is a minor problem. she has a fear of commitment, and she is leaving the state to go to college in 6 months. I dont know if its gona be worth it. I really like her and want it to work but i just dont know. God Damn it all to Hell. Why is it that everytime something good happens in my life there is a problem with it. My project manager from inventech called me and sais that i should be prepared to become filthy stinking rich but im doubtfull because i dont want to get my hopes up because everytime i get my hopes up i end up getting dicked over. Well i guess i just gotta go one day at a time and hope for the best.

Lucky (ironic nickname)

It seams that no matter how hard i try in life there is always someone who is trying to kick me back to the bottom again. Now comes the time in my life where i am looking for someone to marry and have a family with but for some reason i keep looking to my ex who in my eyes is my one true love but unfortunatly we cannot make it work. I now have my eyes on a good friend of mine who i would like to get to know and date in hopes that maybe the chemistry is right for a future. Unfortunatly my mind keeps jumping back to my ex. GOD DAMNIT i hate this feeling. I know that we will never get back together but my damn heart wont let go and its pissing me off. I cant go on with my life unless my heart lets go and everything and everyone i know keeps telling me to move on but its like im tied to this point in my life. I really like this other girl, it feels like the time when im with her nothing but being with her is on my mind and everything is great but when its over my mind jumps back to my ex. Im so confused and my heart achs for my ex every day. Its been 4 months since we split and i still cant get over her. GRRR. This shit sucks. Maybe in time my heart will catch up with my mind and will allow me to love another. Untill then im just confused. Oh well i guess i just gotta give it a little more time. Maybe spending time with my friend will open my heart. I know i have feelings for her but i am unsure as to the extent. I plan to take her to dinner but between me and my jobs and her and her jobs and school its really hard but we are willing to work for a future. Now that i think about it she is the first person to make me feel truely happy in a long time. Could she be the one who will make me happy? I guess only time will tell. I am still a little cautious to be thinking this way it makes me uneasy. I guess ill just have to take my time and not rush into anything or jump to conclusions because no matter how strong my feelings are for her i will always have a large portion (maybe even all) of my heart that belongs to my ex. Damnit i seem so pathetic. I guess im just a hopeless romantic. Well since im the only one who will read this i guess thats ok with me.