Putting up a tent
Putting up a tent is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'... slip in to the old bag.

Washing a car
Washing a car is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.

Answering the phone
Answering the phone is a little like making love to a beautiful woman. In that you've got to... lift the receiver, put it to your ear, speak ...loudly and clearly ... oh, yes - and don't forget to state your name.

Being in therapy
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You ... get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

Being in a crash
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is ... very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, brace yourself; hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.

Making coffee
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.

Laying a carpet
Laying a carpet is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay

Hanging wallpaper
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman. Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.

Going fishing
Of course, as you know, I'm a very keen fisherman myself. You know, I've often thought that going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman. First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear, particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied. Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.

Right over a week in. Finally got to do rapids 1 to 13 on Thursday for the first time, had 2 swims on the first day on 4 and 13, 4 rattled me a bit, took an awful line down it (its on tape) but didn't swim til the very end. 13 i was just wrecked and couldn't roll on the funny water at the bottom, other than that i really enjoyed it especially 5.
Friday we started the multi day trip taking in 1 to 10 on the first day ,had a really stupid swim on 1 other than that it went fairly well.
Did 11 to 25 the second day, good bit easier 17,18 and 23 being the real rapids of worth.
The third day down to moemba falls had a load of flat water but a look of really good rapids, the narrows are class. Swam on Upper feckin Moemba which was a bit freeky considering the falls are below it. All these swim are not cause of trashings i am taking just a good a line down things as anyone else its just my roll has given up on me a few times at the bottom.
Any way been sick for the past three days the multi day really took it out of me and been on the imodium monday and tuesday. The i only done 1-13 twice and only been on the river 4 of the 9 days is starting to piss me off.

One of the highlight has been the 2 hour drive back for the multi day through dirt track and bush and the big singalong with the porters and all the kids from the villages running to meet us ,loved it.

Arrived here anyway without boats and paddles so won't be on the river til wednesday at least, the lads are gettin on great anyway and are having very few problems. This place is mad though really like it ,liked it the minute i got here.