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Boris Bolockoff

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About Me

Me, Myself, and I: I was born above a tannery in St. Petersburg. My father was a big cheese in the secret service in the 60s but had since fallen to selling his own teeth to pay for the upkeep of my mother and his eighteen children, two of whom had to be eaten in the cold winter of 1988. As Communism collapsed in 1990 I escaped over the border into West Germany, pursued by a gay secret agent who wanted me in prison, for both political and sexual reasons. Having reached the Belgian coast, I then crossed the Channel in an amphibious Volkswagen Beetle. I reached England in 1991 and have spent the last fifteen years working as a furniture salesman in Leighton Buzzard. At weekends I play golf and watch pornography. My wife disappeared at the turn of the millenium. Whilst I have been unable to replace her, I do regularly make love to a Romanian girl who lives down the road.