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- Me, Myself, and I
- I work for the computer games company Hunted Cow located in Elgin. We are currently making a 3D MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game for you non geeks out there!) called Eldevin which will hopefully be released within the next decade.
Im the new kid in these here parts but prior to that I lived In Dundee for 6 years whilst attending Abertay University, working part time in a record shop (Grouchos), and doing a spot of DJ'ing in the local students union.
Im 25 and originally hail from Kilmarnock in Ayrshire, where I sometimes pop back to see my folks.
I am the byproduct of 80's and 90's pop culture. The bastard son of acid house, grebo rock, Industrial, New Wave and hip hop.
- Nine Inch Nails, Prodigy, Beastie Boys, Public Enemy, Rage Against the Machine, Senser, Primal Scream, Daft Punk, Air, Pop Will Eat Itself, Tom Waits, Justice, The Police, Led Zeppelin, Prince, The B-52's, My Bloody Valentine, Death From Above 1979, Vitalic, Queens of the Stone Age, Bjork, Jamiroquai, Leftfield, REM, The Cure, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Duran Duran, Chemical Brothers, Underworld, LCD Soundsystem, Boom Boom Satellites, Boards Of Canada, 4 Hero, Ulrich Schnauss, M83, Les Rhythmes Digitales, Manchild, Hybrid, Orbital, Aphex Twin, Rancid, Sisters Of Mercy, Faith No More, Cypress Hill, Massive Attack, Squarepusher, Mr Scruff, Go! Team, DJ Shadow, Genesis, Eric B And Rakim, Gang Starr, Pharcyde, LEN, Ultramagnetic MCs, Goldie, Asian Dub Foundation, Ozric Tentacles, Portishead, Hardknox, The Beatles, Soulwax, Nik Kershaw, Nightmares On Wax, Sneaker Pimps, Freestylers, Lionel Richie, Seal, Yoshi, Most Mowax/ Ninja Tune/ Warp
Stalk me here: http://www.last.fm/user/Retroboy83
- Aliens, Terminator, Back to the Future, Big Trouble In Little China, Indiana Jones, Airplane, Evil Dead II, Its A Wonderful Life, Sin City, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Run Lola Run, Nightmare Before Christmas, The Shining, Pans Labyrinth, Pulp Fiction, Shawshank Redemption, Breakfast Club, Nightmare On Elm St, Dead Of Night, Highlander, Dark Knight, Predator, Rambo, In The Mouth of Madness, Bullet In The Head, Akira, Ferris Buellers Day Off, Beetlejuice, Shaun Of The Dead, Leon, Seven Samurai, Police Story, Braindead, Fight Club, Super Troopers, The Big Lebowski, They Live, Donnie Darko, Boyz N The Hood, From Dusk Till Dawn, Mad Max 2, Ghostbusters, Mystic River, Die Hard, Stand By Me, Blues Brothers, Freddy Got Fingered, Escape From New York, Butterfly Effect, Battle Royale, Ong-Bak, Trainspotting, etc.
- Music, Film, Animation, Comics, Books, Art, Design, Video Games, Urban Legends, Pop Culture, The Paranormal, Ancient Civilizations, Etymology, Xenophilia.
- Trent Reznor, Liam Howlett, Zack De La Rocha, Ryuichi Sakamoto, Clint Mansell, Derren Brown, Alan Moore, Garth Ennis, Neil Gaiman, Charlie Brooker, Adam & Joe, Bill Hicks, John Carpenter, David Lynch, Tim Burton, Akira Kurosawa, Hayao Miyazaki, Jhonen Vasquez, Katsushika Hokusai, Zdzisław Beksiński, Shigeru Miyamoto
- Video Games
- Shining Force, Streets Of Rage 2, Final Fantasy VII, WipEout 2097, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Streetfighter 2, Silent Hill, Metroid, Castlevania, Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney, Katamari Damacy, Guitar Hero, Rock Band, Warioware, Super Smash Brothers, Metal Gear Solid, Day Of The Tentacle, Pilotwings, Revenge Of Shinobi, Bomberman, Super Mario Bros., Twisted Metal World Tour, Toejam And Earl, Sonic The Hedgehog, Monkey Island, Zelda, Mercs, Speedball 2, Golden Axe, Command And Conquer
- TV Shows
- Arrested Development, Firefly, Family Guy, Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, Derren Brown, Spaced, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, South Park, Adam and Joe Show, Fawlty Towers, Invader Zim, Flight Of The Conchords, X- Files, Twilight Zone, Lost, Quantum Leap, Alan Partridge, Look Around You, Brass Eye, Boston Legal, Time Trumpet, Deadwood, Ren and Stimpy, Cheers, The Boondocks, That 70's Show.
- Andy, Ando, The Don, Donnichiwa, Donzors, Android Lloyd Webber (Dont Ask), Retroboy.
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'Kevin Carter' has always been one of my favourite Manic Street Preacher songs (particularly the Jon Carter mix) but it has only been recently that I have discovered who the man behind the title was.
Born in South Africa in 1960, Kevin Carter became a photographer from a young age and was one of the four men behing the famous 'Bang-Bang Club'. The club itself was a small group of radical photojournalists, who against the will of the media controlled South African Government brought attention to the brutal apartheid system of the country and are responsible for much of the horrifically true coverage of the time. The club ended in 1994 when member Ken Oosterbroek was killed whilst documenting gangwar, but I digress.
In 1993 whilst covering a rebel movement in Sudan, Carter was shocked by the extremity of famine in the area. One of his photographs showed a starving toddler being stalked by a vulture.
Photograph not for the faint hearted:
Carter shooed the vulture away but would later gather criticism for not helping the young girl more.
"The man adjusting his lens to take just the right frame of her suffering might just as well be a predator, another vulture on the scene."
It has to be remembered however, that photographers are not aid workers or soldiers, and particularly back then all journalists in South Africa (and most poverty stricken areas) were instructed to not come in physical contact with villagers due to the Aids epidemic. Affected by what he saw Carter later told an interviewer that afterwards he sat under a tree "smoking cigarettes and crying".
When first published, hundreds of concerned newspaper readers contacted the press to try and find out the girls fate, which was ultimately unknown. The image shocked the world and won Carter the 1994 Pulitzer prize for feature photography.
Two months later Carter was dead. At 33 he had committed suicide in his truck by means of carbon monoxide poisoning. Despite his newfound fame the toll of his lifes work had come to haunt him. His suicide note read:
"The pain of life overrides the joy to the point that joy does not exist. I am haunted by the vivid memories of killings & corpses & anger & pain... of starving or wounded children, of trigger-happy madmen, often police, of killer executioners..."
As well risking his life exposing the horrors within South Africa, what he had seen had tainted him. It has to be remembered that its not only the soldiers and civilians that witness the nightmares of war, but to those who in the spirit of the Bang-Bang Club, instead of ignoring it, strive to expose the truth of a twisted regime.
1 Comment 325 weeks
That’s most of the best stories posted already, but another couple of decent ones:
Ned/Chav comes up to counter asking about Oasis tickets: “How many have you got left?”
Clerk: “About half a dozen.”
Ned/Chav: “Whats that? Like a hundred?”
Even his gadgie mate looked embarrassed.
Obese bespectacled guy sells in 180 Star Trek videos. On signing the book it turns out his name is Mr Nerd!
Customer: “See that thing on at London Nightclub on Sunday (Dance DJ Eddie Halliwell) – is that her from the Spice Girls?”
A girl who is with her friend is handing over some CDs to sell.
Clerk: “Have you got anything else to sell?”
Girls Friend: “Aye – her boadie (body)– fucking slut!”
Girl: “Shut it, you!”
Phone call: “Hi, I’ve got rather a strange problem! I bought tickets to see AC/DC in May last year and put them somewhere so safe that I couldn’t find them again. I’ve just rediscovered them now – is their anything I can do about it? I mean all 10 are in good condition. You can tell they’ve not been used – the bus tickets as well!”
And exactly how many friends do you still have?
Customer looking for Steve Miller CDs: “I’ve tried HMV in the High Street, but they’ve just got one that’s a copulation of his stuff.”
An elderly gentlemen who looks around 80 walks in and asks: “Is there an age restriction on The Prodigy concert?”
Probably enquiring for his grandson or something, but I would like to think it was on his behalf!
Customer: “I’m looking for this Genesis CD , but I cant remember the name of it.”
Clerk: “What’s the cover like?”
Customer: “Its Plastic!”
Customer: “Do you have any clear video cases?”
Cklerk: “No, but we’ve got black ones in.”
Customer: “What are they like?”
Customer on phone: “I want to bring in a couple of videos and CDs to sell, but do I need to pay you to buy them?”
Customer buying videos: “See that PG one, will it work on VHS?”
Customer: “’Cause I’ve got one of the 18 types and they work, it’s ‘The Krays’, but I don’t know if those PG ones work on VHS.”
Clerk: “Uh, yeah , it should be fine!”
Customer is looking for “My Boy Lollipop” on CD which we don’t have.
Clerk: “You could try looking in the vinyl section, were likely to have it on 7 inch.”
Customer: “7”? Will that fit in my CD player?”
Customer: “Do you have the film ‘Acopalypse Now’?”
Customer: “Can I sell some records?”
Clerk: “What kind of records is it?”
Customer: “Eh, vinyl.”
Clerk: Duh “What style?”
Clerk: “Classical Music?”
Customer: “Yeah like Frank Zappa!”
2 Comments 329 weeks
Never ever ever underestimate the intelligence of the general public. During my time at Grouchos, the shop kept a record of all the idiotic customer questions/comments which seemed to occur on a near daily basis. Ladies And Gentlemen welcome to the Grouchos Book Of The Braindead.
Here is a list of my favourites:
Punter hands over a video called ‘Plague Of The Zombies’ and asks, “Is this a horror?”
Weirdo guy smoking inside the shop.
Clerk: “Erm, no smoking in the shop please.”
Weirdo: “Oh right sorry.”
And proceeds to stub his fag out ON THE PALM OF HIS HAND
Customer: “Have you got the Beatles song called the Lemon Tree?”
We try and tell him there’s no such song, but he claims its on Anthology 2. On asking him for more of the lyrics he says “Sitting In A Garden”. Right we say, that’s ‘I Am The Walrus’.
It has the line “Elementary penguin, singing Hare Krishna”. Elementary = Eh, Lemon Tree, doh!
Customer: “Any information about the Reading Festival yet?”
Clerk: “No, none yet.”
Customer: “When will it be? How much is it usually? Will it be in Scotland this year?”
Punter returns a soft-porn video and says “It goes off after a minute.” (What about the video though?)
Customer: “Do you want to buy these videos? I only got them from the shop in town 10 minutes ago.”
Clerk: “Why are you selling them if you only bought them 10 minutes ago?”
Customer: “No, they’re stolen. I shoplifted them.”
Clerk: “Fuck Off!”
Old pished guy at the counter passes over a piece of paper
Customer: “Have you got that one, son?”
Clerk: “Im not sure – that’s a receipt for 2 cans of Carlsberg!”
Woman handing over 2 CDs: “Any discount for bulk purchases?”
Customer next to the accessories: “These batteries you sell – are they second hand?”
Girl at the counter with a video called “shark”, with a picture of a huge shark baring its teeth on the front: “Is this videos about sharks?”
Customer: “Have you got Mortal Kombat Ornithology?”
Clerk (Sarcastically): “Is that the one they go looking for birds?”
Customer: “Yes, I think so.”
Customer: “Do you have that film with Michael Caine and the Zulus? I cant remember the name of it.”
Customer: “Can you settle an argument? Who used to be in Wham! with George Michael? Was it Boy George or Elton John?”
Guy having just sold some CDs, hands over a Limp Bizkit album to try and sell: “Interested in buying this?”
Clerk: “No thanks.”
Customer (smirking): “Are you really sure?”
Opens the case to reveal not a CD, but a soggy digestive biscuit with the centre removed to fit inside.
Customer: “Huh huh, limp Bizkit, huh huh”
Customer: “What time does the bus leave for the Barrowlands?” (Gig venue)
Clerk: “Which bus?”
Customer: “The bus you have advertised for the Barrowlands, the Incubus!”
Clerk: “Erm no, Incubus isn’t actually a bus it’s the name of a band…”
The shop is called Grouchos, and as such has loads of Marx brothers merchandise and pictures on the walls.
One daft customer to other: “Look at all that Marx brothers stuff – I wonder why they’ve got that?”
Customer: What time are the Damned starting at?
Clerk: “The doors at half eight.”
Customer: “Are the Doors playing as well?”
Customer: “Do you have that film where rats take over the world?”
Clerk: “What, ‘The Rise Of The Conservative Party’:
Customer (oblivious): “Yeah, that one. Do you have it?
Clerk: “Erm, no…”
Phone call: “Hello, can I speak to John Bridge please?”
Clerk: “Sorry, you must have the wrong number. This is Grouchos Records.”
Phone call: “No, I know that. He’s in there looking for something for his Mum.”
0 Comments 329 weeks