Day 1 - Jambo humped at golf, half past 2 sessed, marty, claire, georgie mac's son, take back that feckin city, Forrest storms into early pool lead, far's my coupan...

Day 2 - Morning, Tranquility, fraser that should be straight but they fucked it up, mon the cheesestrings, flip flop splashy, mon the arsenal, Calum Best... aye you would!, shes a hooker, hungary, Calzaghe, GOAL FOR ALLOA Fraser Forrest...

Day 3 - Fraser posioned, toon toon, sharades captain hook, forrest family, badlands chuckies, hake, Frasers levels, oh noh 6-0 Jambaw...

Day 4 - Morning, we got pished, leonardos, murray , dubliner, chinese knife disaster, weegie birds says good looking lad... bitch

Day 5 - Bangers and Mash, Gunners kids, Mare shite levels, financial crisis, casino royale, 14 hour sleep, Sone

Day 6 - Morning, lazy bastards, oxtail, consequences, walking on broken glass, knobby, Naton Donation, Killie Birdies...

Day 7 - Stick your water park right up yer..., Jambo they are going to cut your hand off, Hey Hey, who am I? I'm the cleaner, final pool score of 15-4 was tight though, Frasers fit was her name... russia with love!

Cards Fraser. Cairds is what you play Cards with...

Day 1 - smashed, frasers heed, kevs finger, jambos bed, romanian, latter, old maid, 3-1 up in pool, penis, struggling(lorno), knob rot(kev)

Day 2 - chris maguire, shitey toilet, ant infestation, 7 = knob oot, soapy, wall paper sticks to the wall, mintlaw(jambo), nae oxygen, lesbian champs troosers

Day 3 - how about get fu??!!, Sevilla spectacular, wrong end, dodgey stomach, 3 pints for that pot, chocolate watch, stevie craig, cheesy pastaaa!, suicidal ants, get it round ye, ye wank!!

Day 4 - fitba legends, cc returns, arsene wenger, do ah deer, balcony(jambo), 26 heeders, ross campbell, langfield disaster, wallsall, contemplation

Day 5 - Michael Hart Darren Young 2-1 and its EASY! sandy mitchell breakfast, crazy sqaush champ, kev lookin afa sexual, lornos phone shifts, NATON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
black bottle tops, lornos bungee - ridiculous, kevs dancing supremo, fungerol, kevs mummy/eyes

Day 6 - lost boys - murdered???? found, yolande, 40 heeders, jambos bed again, peaky bobby, 'your the bird that reads the books', alrite trickle 1 2 3, fit are you doing naton??

Day 7 - exam shiter!, LORNO is 21!!, Danny Mathieson, Lornos knob oot, jimmy riddle on kilt, rest is a blur!

Day 8 - Lonesome BCM(Fraser), who brings back a jamacian skirt?(Fraser), Robbin Naton, Jambo on death bed, black boat/white boat.

Day 9 - Lorno palm tree, if you love the spanish police clap your hands, shaggy shaggy 30 euros(fraser), lets nab a half bottle of smirnoff, eh noh contaminated water thieving english erses! Jambo on life support, will he pull through??

Day 10 - done it! treck up mount everest, Cabrera, WW3, Real champs, lorno noh noh space invaders, Jersey, knock knock - how about get fucked!, nae been sun burnt - piz sun expensive aftersun half empty?? mmm!!

Day 11 - Palma, judge jules, now you know how it feels - mon the ants!!, mark rampàkash, lorno elevator shocker, popeye, mon tae fraser, navigators lorno + jambo, tourists fraser + kev, nick jambos nuts get it round ye!

Day 12 - pirates, shoot shoot shoot, frasers steals ice cream from toddler, 40 scotland singalong, 1 nil down 4-1 up albert luque wraps it up, photos

Day 13 - depressing, up at 4, lorno 35 jambo 36, slingshotaroo, pedalo boatys!

A quite smashing holiday, ersed gan hame, so get it right round ye naton!