Funny Stuffs 5 minutes ago

Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.

* To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears
and scream.

* Leave your fly open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say,
"Sorry, I really prefer it this way".

* While riding in an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors
open.

* Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy..."

* Use your highlighter pen on the computer screen.

* Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the
nozzle.

* Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

* Every time you get an email, shout ''email''.

* Keep hole punching your finger. Each time you do, shout, "Shit
it's happened again!". Then do it again.

* Introduce yourself to a new colleague as "the office bicycle". Then
wink and pout.

* Call I.T. helpdesk and tell them that you can't seem to access any
pornography web sites.

* At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to
conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you
actually launch into it yourself).

* Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with
growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.

*For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Dave".

* Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a
number two".

* When you've picked up a call, before speaking finish off some fake
conversation with the words, ''she can abort it for all I care''.

* In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and
mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"

* Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do
you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

* Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit; smash
each biscuit with your fist.

* During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the
door.

* As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

* Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

* Dry hump the photocopier. When someone spots you, stop and cough
embarrassingly, then lean in to the machine and whisper loudly, "I'll
see you tonight".

* At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a
hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

* Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

* Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries
with that.

* Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat - with a serious face.

* Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

* Sing along at the opera.

* Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

* When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won! Its the
third time this week!!"

* When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,
"run for your lives, they're loose!!"

14 things I fucking hate about people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 minutes ago


1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fck is yours?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's
longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet? . If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering.....It's has to
be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

14. When you're involved in a accident and someone asks 'are you alright?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

posted by Amy M

Your Best Memory of Me.............