WHEN I FIRST READ THIS I LAUGHED SO MUCH THAT I ACTUALLY CRIED A BIT
This is a transcript of an actual cyber sex session. As all of you are
well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex.
Detailed fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly
transmitted
over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become
fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript
of an
actual
on-line cybersex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the
greatest
sense of humour known to mankind.


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black
leather
miniskirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I
workout
everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a
pair
of
blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old
T-shirt,
it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of
funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the
stereo
and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm
smiling. My
hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your
huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are
trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly
off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk
slides
off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing
and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in
your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my
soft
breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's
stuck.
Do
you have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my
back
and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my
breasts,
nipples are erekt for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and
inspecting
the
clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your
tongue
all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know,
breasts.They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm
nibbling
your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit
and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the
remain
of my
blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing
it
in
the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your
hard
tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all
over,
in
and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for
a
cup.
Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: its water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have you chained to bar counter.
.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt are wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made complete asshole of self.

.