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- Profile created: December 2006
- DISCLAIMER : Jagermeister dissaproves of emos. Major Label
- In the stomach of anyone one with good taste and money Ireland
- Me, Myself, and I
- Jagermeister is a herbal liquer (35%) produced in Germany. It has a sweet flavour and is best served ice-cold. It is the nectar of Kings.
The word Jagermeister in German means "expert hunter" (combining Jager, hunter, and Meister, master).
On the edge of the label of a Jagermeister bottle, the following poem by Otto von Riesenthal is printed:
Das ist des Jagers Ehrenschild,
daB er beschutzt und hegt sein Wild,
weidmannisch jagt, wie sich's gehort,
den Schopfer im Geschopfe ehrt.
This is the hunter's badge of honor,
that he protect and nourish his game,
hunt sportingly, as is proper,
and honor the Creator in creation.
Or, slightly less acurate but sounds better:
This is the hunter's badge of glory:
That he protects and tends his quarry,
Hunts with honor, as is due,
And through the beast to God is true.
The recipe for the herbal liquor was developed in 1934 for medicinal purposes. HARDCORE!!!
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The Jagermeister Scooter!!
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?" As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the pub to your house.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a "Jagermeister Scooter".
The Jagermeister Scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased to the drunk by Bacchus, the Roman God of Wine. The Jagermeister Scooter works in the following fashion - The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the "slurring gland" begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects this pheromone and sends down a winged Jagermeister Scooter.
The Scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a Trans-Dimensional Portal. This is not cheap to run, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This answers the second question after a night out, "How did I spend so much money?"
Unfortunately, Jagermeister Scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for over 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries), such as bruised legs, stubbed toes, scratched hands and a sore spot on the top of your head.
An undocumented feature of the Jagermeister Scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of Trans-Dimensional Portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for!
This answers a third question after a night out, "What the hell happened?" With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the REMIT (Removal of Embarrassing Moments in Time) add on, that automatically removes, in descending order, those parts in time regretted most.
Unfortunately one person's REMIT is not necessarily the REMIT of another's and quite often, lost time is regained in discussions over a period of time.
Independent studies have also shown that Beer Goggles often cause the Scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending passengers to the wrong bedroom with the wrong person, often with horrific consequences.
Jagermeister Scooters come equipped with Thump-A-Lot boots (Patent Pending). These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe up the stairs, you are sure to wake either everyone else in the house or your downstairs neighbours. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall in the house and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the bruised shins.
Don't forget the on-board heater, which allows you to comfortably get home from the pub in sub-zero temperatures, wearing just a small outfit for the ladies or for the men no jacket. Jagermeister scooters.........the wonders of modern technology.......
Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk . .
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk .. .
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk ...
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab or supermacs for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
5 Comments 316 weeks
mix 2/4 buckie, 1/4 jag, 1/4 absinthe. guaranteed to fuck you up.
if no absinthe is available, 2/3 buckfast and 1/3 jager is dam tasty. and buckmeister fucks you up also...
make it cannabis absinthe for that extra zingy tang kick.
and if you want it to taste like there's no alcohol at all(despite the copious amounts), add some coke.
7 Comments 335 weeks