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• Is Barack Obama going to be the first black U.S. president?

  1. I hope so
  2. I hope not
  3. I don't care
  4. Who?

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• Gay Marriage?

  1. I'm for it
  2. I'm against it
  3. To each his own

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• Is WAR the answer?

  1. Yes
  2. No
  3. It depends
  4. I'm Unsure
  5. I don't care

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• Who is Jack Schitt?

  For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!"
  
  Well, thanks to someone's genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.
  
  Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
  
  In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced seven children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, Eat Schitt and the twins Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt.
  
  Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
  
  After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
  
  Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.
  
  Eat Schitt married Anne Dye. They produced a daughter, and Eat Schitt named her after his mother -Noe Schitt.
  
  Two of the other seven children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper
  announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
  
  The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
  
  Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
  
  Now when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt," you can correct them.
  
  Sincerely,
  Crock O. Schitt

  0 Comments 338 weeks

• Shit

  THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD
  
  Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
  Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
  
  Consider:
  You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.
  
  With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.
  
  You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit,
  and tell others to eat shit.
  
  Some peope know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
  
  There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
  
  You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.
  
  You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
  
  You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
  
  Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.
  
  Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.
  
  You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
  
  You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
  
  Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and ot her times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
  
  When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.
  
  And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!
  
  You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!
  
  Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........
  Well, Shit Happens!!!

  0 Comments 338 weeks

• Thank you!

  I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your damn chain letters over the past few years. Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of what's left of my heart for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
  Because of your concern...I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
  
  I no longer drink Pepsi or DR Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
  I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.
  
  I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
  I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
  
  I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
  I no longer use margarine because it's one molecule away from being plastic.
  
  I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
  I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
  
  I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
  I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
  
  I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
  I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
  
  I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
  Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Geez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)
  
  I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
  Wait! The above will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
  
  Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!
  I will now return the favor.
  If you don't send this message to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's 8th husband's 2nd cousin's 3rd husband's ex-wife's mother's beautician!
  

  0 Comments 338 weeks