South Africa ROCKS because....

1. You can eat half dried meat and not be considered disgusting.

2. Nothing is your fault, you can blame it all on apartheid.

3. You get to buy a new car every 3 months and the insurance
Company even pays for it.

4. You can experience kak service in eleven official languages.

5. Where else can you get oranges with 45% alcohol content at
Rugby matches?

6. It's the only country in the world where striking workers show
how angry they are by dancing.

7. You're considered clumsy if you cannot: use a cell phone
(Without car kit), change CDs, drink a beer, put on make-up,
read the newspaper and smoke, all at the same time while
driving a car at 160 kph in a 60-kph zone.

8. Great accent!!!

9. If you live in Johannesburg, you get to brag about living in
the most dangerous city in the world.

10. Burglar bars become a feature, and a great selling point for
your house.

11. You can decorate your garden walls with barbed wire.

12. The police are the first on the scene for most major crimes, without being called.

13. Votes have to be recounted until the right party wins.

14. Illegal immigrants leave the country because the crime rate
is too high.

15. The police ask you if they must follow up on the burglary
You’ve just reported.

16. When a murderer gets a 6-month sentence and a pirate TV viewer 2 years.

17. The prisoners strike and get to vote in elections!

18. The police stations have panic buttons to call armed response when they are burgled

19. Police cars are fitted with immobilizes and gear locks!

20. Prisoners gets released out of prison to make room for new criminals

Ja nee!! Dis baie lekker daar!! I LOVE IT!!!!

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.
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HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like
yours.
==========
HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.
==========
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.
==========
HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.
==========
HE: Your face must turn a few heads
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
==========
HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.
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HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
==========
HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.
==========
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?
==========
HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it
==========
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
==========
HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there any more.
==========
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
==========
HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.
==========
HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.
==========
HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today.
==========
HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
==========
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams

Ek weet nou nie hoe jy oor spinnekoppe voel nie maar ek ry eerder 'n fiets sonder 'n saal as om een te konfronteer.
Ja, gisteraand lê ek rustig en lees, minding my own business.....bedlampie brand baie "domesticated" en sag met die komplimente van Cash Crusaders, toe ek so 'n sagte geskarrel in die kamer hoor. Dog eers dis die mot wat wil selfmoord pleeg teen die bedlamp se bulbpie... Kyk.. Nee, mot se kind sit so stil soos 'n pedigree foksterrier wat razor blades skuit.

Toe's die skuifel geluid weer daar en ek skrik alles regop wat plat was... en pap wat op was! 'n Onaardse gedrog van 'n spinnekop met WP rugbykouse, en wat as weltergewig kan inweeg, toer teen 8000 refs oor die vloer en spring sommer so met die laai se handles teen die bedkassie op! Op slag k*k ek my beste linne in 'n herfs kleurskakering in. Lyk of iemand my bed kapoenkleur, so tussen k*k en pampoen, gespray paint het.

Ek moer alles, boek, bedlamp, asbak, glas, die toetie tot op die laagste vlak van die kamer, die vloer. Ek skrik my enigste aambei wat ek het dat hy op my kuite hang!

Nou's die moerse spaaider nog tussen my en die kombuis, waar ek, omdat hulle my so mollesteer, deur die jare, ' n arsenaal van Doom vergader het.
Nou weet ek, nou sal ek flat out moet hol vir daai Doom. Ek pluk my enigste halfnat Jockey aan sodat die aambei my nie pootjie nie. Toe trek ek weg kombuis toe dat die briekmerke soos 'n straatkaart in my
Jockey vergader... en ek 10 sekondes by die kombuisdeur moet back paddle om nie twee agterdeure te hê nie. Lord of the Dance se gat my bra!

Terug..... Daar sit die bliksem nog! Sommer so met die briektrek spuit ek al.... gelukkig net Doom! ...Osoonlaag en al daai goeters, se moer! Spuit hom leeg! Duik my harige vyand soos Ryk Neethling agter die bedkassie in. Moer toe moet hy wees na daai dubbel Doom en strontreuk wat nou dikker as toffie in die kamer hang.
Ek trek die kas bietjie vorentoe, skiem nog so ek het gewen, toe skielik hol daai 4 wheel drive monster van 'n aardsgedrog teen die muur uit, reg voor my oë verby, tot kophoogte. Agt oë soos Beetle wheelcaps kyk
my vierkantig in my twee ogies. Nou's dit nag. Ek verlaat myself, my water breek, my knieë swik, my longe loop leeg, my lippe parteer van mekaar. Ek beskuie my weer sonder enema.

'n Kreet verlaat my binneste, ontsnap oor my trillende lippe. Dis toe dié klanke wat Black Sabbath en Uriah Heep na die Drakensbergse seunskoor laat klink. Dit was maar ook Spiderman se laaste asem, want net
daarna los hy en kom skeef skeef grond toe, soos fisant stront in vlug.

Al retererende het ek en Doom die veldslag gewen!