Friends or Best Friends?!!!!!


FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.


FRIENDS: Calls your parents by Mr. and Mrs.

BEST FRIENDS: Calls your parents DAD and MOM


FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin

"We fucked up ... but that shit was fun!


FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.


FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "Eh...its here somewhere...wen I find it i'll throw it bak!."


FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...


FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.


FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "Heeeyyyy!"


FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "hey drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."


FRIENDS: Are only for school.

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

Trust me, i'm a nurse!!
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell??
>>It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
>>
>>You may be a nurse if.....
>>
>>You believe that every patient needs TLC...
>>Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine.
>>
>>You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer system some
>>night in a dark alley.
>>
>>You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.
>>
>>Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
>>
>>Your kids get their presents in TED stockings
>>
>>And their presents are wrapped with Transpore tape.
>>
>>You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place by
>>heart.
>>
>>Almost everything can seem funny ... eventually.
>>
>>When asked by the doctor what
>>color that patient's diarrhoea was, you
>>show them your shoes.
>>
>>You can identify different causes of diarrhoea by the smell of it.
>>
>>Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys,
>>scissors and clamps in your pocket.
>>
>>You can tell the pharmacist more about the medication they are
>>dispensing than they know.
>>
>>You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when you're
>>on holiday.
>>
>>You refuse to watch Casualty because its too much like the real thing
>>and it triggers flashbacks or...
>>
>>Your family refuse to let you watch Casualty because you spend the
>>whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-rays.
>>
>>You avoid answering the phone on your day off to in
>>case anyone from
>>the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work.
>>
>>You've been telling stories in a restaurant and made someone at
>>another table throw up.
>>
>>You notice that you are using even more 4 letter words than you did
>>before you started nursing.
>>
>>You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a long
>>car journey.
>>
>>Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them
>>on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives on them.
>>
>>You don't get excited about blood; unless it's your own.
>>
>>You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to
>>convince the doctor is more difficult"
>>
>>You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml syringe.
>>
>>You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your
>>co-worker and to shout if they need help.
>>
>>When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't sure of
>>the day yourself. Or if nightshift, the month.
>>
>>You find yourself checking out other customers' veins in supermarket
>>queues.
>>
>>You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on your dinner
>>break and are not be embarrassed when you wake up
>>
>>You avoid unhealthy looking people in the shopping centre for fear
>>that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
>>
>>You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for a
>>tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos.
>>
>>You often stay awake for 24+ hrs at a time when you work nights and
>>realise you don't need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate just lack of
>>sleep...
>>
>>You pull over in a
>>layby after working nights because you are too
>>tired to drive home and wake up to someone knocking on your window
>>thinking
>>you've had a stroke because you're passed out in your car drooling.
>>
>>Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible.
>>
>>You've seen more penises than any prostitute.
>>
>>You've sworn to have "Do Not Resuscitate" tattooed on your chest.
>>Soon.
>>
>>If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is,
>>it's just to help you understand our mindset and questionable mental
>>state!

SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made a complete arsehole of yourself