warning labels on consumer products
1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
>NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
>
>2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
>REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
>
>3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
>USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
>
>4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
>AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
>
>5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
>THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
>
>6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
>TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
>TEMPERATURE
>BEFORE OPENING.
>(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
>
>7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
>LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE PROJECTED
>PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL
>FOR APPROXIMATELY 5
>MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.
>
>8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
>OPEN OTHER END.
>
>9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
>WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
>
>10. On a Sears hairdryer -
>DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
>
>11. On a bag of Fritos -
>YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
>(The shoplifter special!)
>
>12. On a bar of Dial soap -
>DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
>(And that would be how?)
>
>13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) -
>DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
>(Too late! You lose!)
>
>14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
>PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
>(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
>
>15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
>WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
>(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
>
>16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
>FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
>(As opposed to use in outer space?)
>
>17. On a Japanese food processor -
>NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
>(Now I'm curious.)
>
>18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
>WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
>(Really? Peanuts contain nuts?)
>
>19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
>INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
>(I'm glad they cleared that up.)
>
>20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
>DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
>(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
>
>21. On a child's superman costume -
>WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
>(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
>
>22. On some frozen dinners:
>SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
>
>23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
>FITS ONE HEAD.
>
>24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
>DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
>
>25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine:
>DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
>
>26. On Nightly sleep aid:
>WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
>(Duh

Carlow wat a spot!!!

Famous sayins from the mad trip;

1. Dont tell me 2shut up!!! Tell me 2be quiet!!!
2. The Flanmans Mating call : Aawhoop whoop
3. I dont know what a tracker mortgage is!!
4. I dont understand APR!!
5. OMG!!!
6. Ahhh Trevor!!
7. Stop da lights!!
8. I dont believe it!!
9. Well HORSE!!
10. Noooo!! (In a Carlow accent)


AND THA BIG ONES


11. CRUSTY BASTARDS!!!!

12. TALK TA YA!!!!

A police officer pulls a bloke over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's licence?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended for exceeding the limit

Officer: May I see the registration for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think saw the registration in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes mate. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.

Officer: There's a BODY in the BOOT?!?!?

Driver: Yes, mate.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his back up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your licence?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration papers.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Boot is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a licence, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the boot.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying b@st@rd told you I was speeding, as well.