Now this blog cracks me up! please read and leave a comment on what you think
you may have to read a few times to get it

To my tarling,I'm writing tis slow pee-goz
I know you gan't reading fast.
We ton't livewhere we did when you left.
My far-der read in ta paper that mostaccidents
habben within twenty miles of home.....so we move.
Won't be able to send you the address pee-goz
the last family that livehere, took the numbers
wiff dem for their new house, so they ton't have tochange their add-tress.

This place has a washing machine.
The first tay I put four shirts in it,
pulled da chain and dey neffa come back again.
It only rain twice this week...
three days the first time and four days thesecond time.

The coat you wanted me to send to you,
mum said it would be a little too
heavy to send in ta mail wiff ta heavy buttons...
so we gut them off andput them in the pockets.

We kot a bill from the funeral home,
and it said if we didn't make thefinal payment on Grandmas funderal bill,
up she comes.

My sister, had a baby dis mo-ning.
I haven't found out whether if it is aboy or girl
so don't know if I am an Aunty or Uncle.

Not much more news this time. Nothing much habbened.
If you don't get thisletter, please let me know and I will send annudder one.
I don't have a fone so I gant ring you,
putt you haff a fone so you canring me.
I was koing to send money, but the envelope was already sealed.

I luff you my tarling a lot,
and I gant wait till your Dad lets you marryme when you're 38 years old...

1. Thou shalt not order any beer other than the true beer. TUI.
2. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's unless it is a TUI.
3. Thou shalt respond to the words "My Shout" with the command. "As long as it's a TUI!"
4. Thou shalt not run out of TUI.
5. Thou shalt not condemn those yet to discover TUI beer, but show compassion and buy them a TUI so they too may discover the true taste.
6. Thou shalt give thanks to the barman for thy TUI.
7. Thou shalt keep the days between Monday and Sunday and the months between January and December as the best times for a TUI.
8. Thou shalt do unto your mates as you would have them do to you and shout them a TUI.
9. Thou shalt not attend a party without thy TUI.
10. Thou shalt celebrate thy rugby team's win with a TUI (or two).
BY TUI BREWERY

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron’s ass halfway through the first chapter.
If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.