The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.
>>
>>1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
>>
>>
>>2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following
>>Circumstances:
>>(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
>>(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
>>(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
>>(d) When she is using her teeth.
>>
>>3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
>>killed and eaten by his buddies.
>>
>>4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a
>>friend out of jail within 12 hours.
>>
>>5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off
>>limits forever unless you actually marry her.
>>
>>6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is
>>forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is
>>unsuitable.
>>
>>7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for
>>another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly
>>optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the
>>birthday boy's choice.
>>
>>8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not
>>the weakest.
>>
>>9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you
>>may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
>>playing.
>>
>>10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have
>>brought
>>her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the
>>purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
>>
>>11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when
>>you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless
>>model and only when it's free.
>>
>>12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you
>>allowed
>>to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.
>>
>>13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
>>
>>14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
>>
>>15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see
>>anything.
>>
>>16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as
>>spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability
>>to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
>>
>>17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
>>remain sober enough to fight.
>>
>>8: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
>>pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
>>
>>19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be
>>talking about his choice of beer.
>>
>>20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of
>>yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
>>
>>21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting
>>weights:
>>a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
>>b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
>>c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
>>
>>22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal
>>footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other
>>situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation
>>you need.
>>
>>23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on
>>longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
>>
>>phone. Hang up if necessary.
>>
>>24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a
>>friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling
>>weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again
>>before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
>>
>>25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not
>>acceptable for her to drive yours.
>>
>>26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime
>>green, orange or sky blue.
>>
>>27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for
>>Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets
>>an Xbox. End of story.
>>
>>28:

1.My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack.
2.He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup.
3.He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician.
4.As funny as a burning orphanage.
5.He's so camp, he shites tent pegs.
6.I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes.
7.I feel like a boiled shite (hungover).
8.(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress.
9.She had a face on her that would drive rats from a
barn.
10.As busy as the dalkey dole office.
11.Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit.
12.As tight as a nun's knickers.
13.I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn.
14.I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss
the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to
the laundry.
15.Up and down like a hoor's knickers.
16.No show pony but would do for a ride around the house.
17.Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
18.What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt.
19.I left her with a face like a painters radio.
20.A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right
Guard.
21.Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche.
22.As fit as a butcher's dog.
23.She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
24.Not even the tide would take her out.
25.Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her.
26.Daz wouldn't shift her.
27.Des Kelly wouldn't lay her.
28.A sniper wouldn't take her out.
29.Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle.
30.If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her
one.
31.She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just
licked p*ss off a nettle.
32.She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede.
33.She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab.
34.If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her
look over the wall.
35.Give her a boot in the hole and a bucket of mickeys
would fall out of her fanny