Miranda: I said no white, no ivory, no nothing that says virgin. I have a child. The jig is up.

Adam: Come on, give me a little BJ, up and down a couple times, you're done, it's easy!
Samantha: Easy? You men have no idea what we're dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don't call it a job for nothin'!

Samantha: Ladies! Seamen, twelve o'clock!
Miranda: I pray when I turn around there are sailors, because with her, you never know.

Nurse: Do you swallow?
Samantha: Only when surprised.

Samantha: I never leave underwear at a guy's place because I never see it again.
Charlotte: What happens to it?
Samantha: Nothing; I just never go back.
Carrie: Doesn't that get a little expensive, disposing of lingerie every time you sleep with a guy?
Samantha: That's why I stopped wearing underwear on dates.
Miranda: And that's why I'm never borrowing a dress from you again.

Samantha: Listen, when you're on location, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Smith: What's that rule out?
Samantha: Mmmm, there are things. Karaoke, I don't do that.

Carrie: You broke up with James because he was too small. This guy's too big. Who are you, Goldicocks?
Samantha: Yep! I'm looking for one that's juuuust right.

Carrie: I had often fantasized about running into my ex and his wife. But in those fantasies, I was running over them with a truck.

Charlotte: There's just one thing and it's small, but it really grosses me out. We have a teabag situation.
Samantha: Oh, I understand. Just breathe through your nose.

Samantha: The only place you can control a man is in bed. If we perpetually gave men blow jobs we could run the world!
Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and stuff.

Samantha: Maybe there's something he can eat to make it sweeter.
Carrie: Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart.
Miranda: "Dear Martha: Funky spunk. Help."

Samantha: I'll tell you how to babyproof. Use a condom!

Charlotte: I have never done a number two at a boyfriend's place.
Samantha: Honey, you're so uptight, you need to do a number seven.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods...

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

NAME ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? On my wrist, being emo... nah, i broke a glass and it cut me, the cunt

WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM: a light-bulb, photos, pictures, postcard, letters, paint, johnny depp, a skeleton, an alligator, a kite, a pay-slip, some clues, a piece of newgrange (from paul), confetti, etc.

WHAT DOES YOUR MOBILE PHONE LOOK LIKE? it resembles a brick

WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? all the music

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE? a strange man??

WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? to be finished the lc!!!

WHAT ENDED YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP? a kick in the balls and a glass of water in the face, yes indeedy

DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? sometimes

THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? Barry, he beats me every day

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FRAGRANCE? ultraviolet or armani code!! or CK one on the males

WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? pffft. all of them.

COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS? coffeeeeee, twitch twitch

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? chicken chicken

IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? a small child.

DO U LIKE SOMEONE? i do indeed, what are you implying??

ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? no, id say arthritic would be more apt...

FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? H&M!!! Vero moda!!! ahhhh penneys....

WHAT\'S YOUR DREAM CAR? a green one. but not like a pussy dark green one, a proper poster paint neon green one, people will say, oh look theres that girl and her snotty car, wow.....

BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? BARRY

WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? Jess, closely followed by andy....

WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? computers being gay, seriously, sometimes i just want to chew their faces off, theres nothing worse than a fecked-up computer...

YOUR WEAKNESSES? johnny depp, kevin spacey, clothes, my inability to tell lies (HA!!!!)

FIRST JOB? super to the quinn, yo

IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY WHAT WOULD IT BE? im too chicken... but id get knee implants, most definitely

HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE? circa 500, give or take about 498...

WHAT 3 THINGS DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? my ability to whistle, my teeth, my undisputable honesty

WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nah, although my name was stolen off my cousin cos she was meant to be called anna but i was born first, hahahahhaahhahaahaaaa SWIPED SUCKA!!!!!

WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? THESE two *waves the bold ones around*

WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? as i said already, i cry every day, barry beats me so... i so sad, barry, i so sad

DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? meh, its okay!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE VEGETABLE? chips... asparagi

ANY BAD HABITS? i am one big bad habit!!

WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? soooo many... s-club seven, ALL the britneys, hearsay....

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? no we'd be too similar, conflicts would arise, she's too much of a trollop

HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? yeah, but it was a stupid secret anyway, dont judge me!!

DO LOOKS MATTER? id be lying if i said no... no.

HOW DO YOU RELEASE YOUR ANGER? bitchy phone calls to jess or andy, biting paul, watching amelie, jetant des pierres aux petits enfants etc

WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? our house in heinola, literally speaking

U TRUST OTHERS EASILY?? nope, not at all

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? those little puppy toys that you got from cereal boxes, you sent away for them and then BAM!! 6-8 weeks later, you get a bag of puppy toys

DO YOU USE SARCASM? CLEARLY not, sure why wouls i EVER do such a thing (sarcasm)

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? yes, manys the time, each time was a near death experience

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? funnyness, general niceness, a good back, good kitchen skills, a wad of cash to be paid via direct debit every fortnight...

WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? the blond one, mcGOWan, the evilbitch

WHAT IS THE MOST PAI