John Brown, John FUCKIN Brown. I cud tell ye's a few stories about this lad.Sum Boi. Anyway so I'm headin down to the milkin parlour 6:30 to milk the cows(obviously) and who would stop me only John Brown and he turns to me an says"you goin down to milk the cows" . I turn to him an says well of course Im goin milkin fuckin cows! IT'S 6:30 ISNT IT!! Where the fuck else wud I be goin at 6:30 other than milkin fuckin cows!! wud I be goin milkin them at 6:45 NO! no fuckin good, produce would be SHITE!! Thats wan story anyway so Im in the car heading down te fulcaragh te pick up a yawk for a wee staisch o' tippin and who wud ring me??non other than John Brown anyway I ask him what wants, tells me he's lookin for a shovel..WHA?... you've no shovel an you call yourself a "farmer" ringin the whole fuckin country lookin for a shovel! I says te him would ye ever go an buy a shovel an says te me "sure I have a gun" I says well i gun'll kill a diein cow alright but sure it'll dig no holes! Now it's not a case where ye have one or the other YE HAY TE HAVE THE BOTH!! He'll not go te the shop n spend 20 euro on a shovel but he'll spend 20 euro on a phone bill lookin for a shovel!! Anyway leavin off a load of milk at the creamery an who would saunter through the gate only John Brown wearin these...nicky shoes i believe there called not a wellyboot to be seen!! John Brown he's as bad as Raphoe mart on a tuesday mournin mind you it's much good on any other mourning either.

[insert drink of choice]is a fine drink but sure it is no old peculiar, now that is a fine ale my friend.(this applies even if old peculiar was inserted as drink of choice as it is such a fine drink nothing comes close to it not even itself)

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.

- Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "Fucking."

- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

- Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

- There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

- In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

- Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust.

- Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.

- Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

- Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

- Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

- It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

- Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

- Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.

- Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.

- Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world

- Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

- Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.

- There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.

- Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.

- Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.

- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

- Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.

- Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym

- In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".

- Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.

- Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

- Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.

- In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.

- Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the paralympics.

- Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.