"One's acts as a determinant of one's fate"
That is how karma is defined by Webster's Ditionary. That got me thinking of all the things I've done and more importantly of the fashion in which I've done them. I thought, "Have I ever broken hearts? Have I ever betrayed? Have I ever been impatient? Have I ever hurt those I love most? What else have I done?"
This got me thinking, how will it all come back to me? Will it come back times 3? Will it come and go as events in my past have come and go? What pattern, if any, will the events of my karma follow. Does it all come at once or does it get dealt as you delt it in life?
Then I think, "I'm a big boy, I'll take my medicine and serve my penence as deemed by fate." I just can't help but wonder, "What's coming next?"

-How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light.-

Here in recent days Jamie and I have been through some flames in our relationship. We have also discovered that our cat, her's really I just adopted him or he adopted me really, has cancer. Jamie has started to treat Patton with all the care and medical attention that she can. She is unwilling to give up hope and I fully support her on that. Recently, I feel, our relationship has almost come to a dead stop. I've been given the choice, not literally, to give up or pursue any and every option that I could to save my marriage and relationship. I've got the inherent need to do as much as humanly possible to save my friendship.
Lies, mistrust, and indifference are all almost certainly death sentences for a relationship and just like kitty cancer must be treated aggressively but with all the love one can muster. One can choose to give up all hope and listen to the advise of those that might say, "You need to get out!"
The other option is to go all in even if you know there is a chance you might get hurt.

Some cancer battles my not be won, I hope to beat this one.