How sex starts

...a smile leads to a laugh

...a laugh leads to a high 5

...a high 5 leads to a hug

...a hug leads to a kiss

...a kiss leads 2 makeout

...a makeout leads 2 finger

...a finger leads to a hand

...a hand leads to a lick

...a lick leads to a suck

...a suck leads 2 a fuck.

...So tell me how many people are you gonna smile at after you heard this cuz sex is like math.

...u add the bed

..subtract the clothes

...divide the legs

...leave your solution

...and pray you dont multiply


Types Of Condoms!!

Sainsbury's flavoured condoms ~ making life taste better

Tesco's condoms ~ every little helps

Nike condoms ~ just do it

Peugeot condoms ~ the ride of your life

New galaxy textured condoms ~ why have rubber when you can have silk?

KFC condoms ~ they're finger licking good

Safeway's condoms ~ lightening the load

Abbey National condoms ~ because life is complicated enough

Coca-cola condoms ~ the real thing

Duracell condoms ~ you can just keep going and going

Pringles condoms ~ once u pop u cant stop

Burger King ~ home off the whopper

Flash condoms ~ just sit back relax and let Flash do all the hard work, so you dont have to

Halfords condoms ~ we go the extra mile

Royal mail condoms ~ i saw this and thought of us

Andrex condoms ~ soft strong and very long

Renault condoms ~ size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms ~ does exactly what it says on the packet

Domestos condoms ~ gets rite under the rim!!

Carlsberg condoms ~ probably the best condom in the world

AA condoms ~ you always have AA friend

Pepperami condoms ~ its a bit of an animal

Polo condoms ~ the condom with the hole (very poor seller)

Halifax condoms ~ who gives you extra?

charmin condoms ~ break the habbit (and use protection)

Tellietubbie condoms ~ again again!!!

Cadburys condoms ~ give into your happiness

Kumala condoms ~ perfect together

Red Bull condoms ~ gives u wings

Cadburys creme egg flavoured condoms ~ how do u eat yours?

Sure crystal condoms ~ unbeatable against white marks

UGC cinema condoms ~ coming soon

Lynx condoms ~ because you never know when

Treseme condoms ~ used by professionals

Gillete condoms ~ the best a man can get

12 annoyin things....but we all do dem!

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the
time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is
yours? Do I point at my Crotch when I ask where the toilet
is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search
the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to
walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of
course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after
you've found it?

4. When people say while watching a film "did you see
that?". No dipstick, I paid a tenner to come to the cinema and
stare at the fucking floor.

5. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't
really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

6. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If
it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If
it's an improvement, then there must have had something wrong with it
before

7. When people say, "life is short". What the fuck? Life is
the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can
you do that's longer?

8. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has
the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here
, Knob head?

9. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that
nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

10. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks
that's an image I really didn't need.

11. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if
you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are
ordering... It has to be a McChicken Burger; just a Chicken
Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it
in your McEyes you McFucking Mcdumbass.<--love it

12. When you're involved in a accident and someone asks 'are
you all right?' Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my leg!

Pay close attention for I shall say this only once

ONE
w.a.k.e.u.p
there is NO SUCH THING as a bebo tracker.
it does NOT exist. so quit posting stupid emails like
"OH-EM-GEEEEE this WORKS!!!"
no, it doesnt.


TWO
To the people who have like 25,000 friends,
are you serious?
You're stupid.
Go play in traffic.


THREE
Don't ever post pictures and say
"OMG, I'm so ugly"
"OMG,I'm so fat"
because if you were,
you wouldn't post them.
And if u do ur a funking mongoloid.


FOUR
Nobody cares about threats over the internet.
Don't try to act hardcore with the keyboard.
Causing fights online is like racing in the special olympics;
even if you win, you're still retarded.


FIVE
Making 20 whiteboards/comment/emails a day
about how you hate other people
b/c you're not on their top 16.
who the fuck cares?
ITS FUCKING BEBO!!!!


SIX
Who really gives a crap if
I don't accept you as a friend?
MOVE ON!!!
Don't send me another request or message asking
"what's up with you not adding me?"
I don't want you as a friend;
that's what's up!


SEVEN
Little 6th graders who have bebo
and look like sluts,
go somewhere else
because nobody wants you here.


EIGHT
If you have decided to read this,
you are a true Bebo Friend.
Real friends read their friends blogs.


NINE
I say you go and pass this on
and maybe it will finally get through people's brains



TEN
And if you open a Email and it says something like
"repost this in 100 seconds or a ghost will rape your dog tonight,"
IT'S NOT REAL! DONT BE A FUCKING TWAT