DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

40-ish..........49.
Adventurous.......Slept with everyone.
Athletic..........No breasts.
Average looking.......Moooo.
Beautiful.........Pathological liar.
Emotionally Secure......On medication.
Feminist...............Fat.
Free spirit............Junkie.
Friendship first........Former slut.
New-Age.....Body hair in the wrong places.
Open-minded.......Desperate.
Outgoing.......Loud and Embarrassing.
Professional........Bitch.
Voluptuous.........Very Fat.
Large frame......Hugely Fat.
Wants Soul mate.....Stalker.


WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit =I'm gay

O- You are really popular and every1 knows ur name
L- People totally adore you
I-Love is something you deeply believe in.
V-You are not judgemental.
E- You are an excellent friend.
R- you are one of the best in bed.

N-you r the biggest sex god out there
E- You are an excellent friend.
L- People totally adore you
S- You have a nice arse.
O- You are really popular and every1 knows ur name
N-you r the biggest sex god out there



A- Pretty damn good kisser.
B-You are always fun when it comes to meeting new people.
C- you're wild and crazy
D-You can easily trust people.
E- You are an excellent friend.
F- You're too gangster
G-You never let people tell you what to do.
H-You have very good personality and looks
I-Love is something you deeply believe in.
J-Everyone loves you.
K- You like to try new things
L- People totally adore you
M-success comes easily to you.
N-you r the biggest sex god out there
O- You are really popular and every1 knows ur name
P-You are popular with all types of people.
Q-You are a hypocrite.
R- you are one of the best in bed.
S- You have a nice arse.
T- you are loyal to the ones you love.
U- You love forplay
V-You are not judgemental.
W-You are very broad minded.
X- You never let ppl tell u wat to do
Y-One of the hardest gangsters alive
Z-You like it in the butt VERY VERY HARD.

Th Things to do on an elivator 10 days ago

1) When there's only 1 other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you!

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock! Smile, and then go back for more!

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones!

4) Call the psychic hotline from your mobile phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waitin 4 a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say ''Hi Greg. How's your day been?''

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes 2 pick it up, then scream, ''That's mine!''

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play!

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they can hear ticking?

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the 'passengers'.

12) Ask, ''Did you feel that?''

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, ''It's ok, don't panic, they open agen!''

15) Swat at flies that don't exist!

16) Tell people that you can see their aura!

17) Call out, ''Group hug!'' and then enforce it!

1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ''Shut up, all of you, just shut up!''

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, ''Got enough air in there?''

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your 1 of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button!

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"


1) When there's only 1 other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you!

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock! Smile, and then go back for more!

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones!

4) Call the psychic hotline from your mobile phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your waitin 4 a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say ''Hi Greg. How's your day been?''

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes 2 pick it up, then scream, ''That's mine!''

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play!

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they can hear ticking?

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the 'passengers'.

12) Ask, ''Did you feel that?''

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, ''It's ok, don't panic, they open agen!''

15) Swat at flies that don't exist!

16) Tell people that you can see their aura!

17) Call out, ''Group hug!'' and then enforce it!

1 Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, ''Shut up, all of you, just shut up!''

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, ''Got enough air in there?''

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announ