One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I
don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for
each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must
have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think
she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a
baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the
things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.

The Declaration of Independence (the very official copy in the Rotunda of the National Archives) is written on parchment, not paper.

The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.

A raisin dropped in a fresh glass of soda will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A 2x4 is actually 1-1/2" x 3-1/2" .

40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

Every person has a unique tongue print. (Say "aaah")

The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was an albino.

315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.

On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.


John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son. Irony.

Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

Chocolate kills dogs! Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system.

A few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog. (Debated)

Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.

Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If they were captured, the cards could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.


Most lipstick contains fish scales. Yum.

Dr. Seuss actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounded like Sue-ice.

Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.

Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.

During the California Gold Rush of 1849 miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the high costs in California during these years it was deemed more feasible to send the shirts to Hawaii for servicing.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.

The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower', because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

The proper term for upper case letters is "majuscule" and for lower case it's "minuscule".


The printing industry gives us other popular phrases, such as "mind your 'p's and 'q's." The moveable block type had the letters in reverse so they would read correctly when imprinted on paper. Apprentices had to remove the type from the pages and return the blocks to their upper and lower cases. Each drawer in the case held a different size of letters, and each drawer was divided into compartments (called sorts) for each letter. The letters 'p' and 'q' could easily be mistaken, so the master printer would advise their apprentices to mind their 'p's and 'q's. (This is debated. Link.)

When the master printer was building a page and discovered that a particular sort was empty, he would get angry. Thus the term "out of sorts".

The question mark came from a monk habit of writing the Latin word for question, quo, at the end of sentences. Over time, the letters were written vertically to save space and morphed into the ? we write today. Similarly, the exclamation point came from the Latin word "Lo", meaning something important that should be heeded. (Lo and behold...)

Wellfleet, Massachusetts has the only town clock in the world that strikes ship's time. (Rings every half hour, to a maximum of 8 rings at the end of each four hour period.)

There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with the words orange, purple, or silver, or month. (Debated, as I don't think that sliver is a rhyme for silver, or