Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is the handicapped parking situation handled at the Special Olympics?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then?
If a tree falls in the forest without anyone there, does it still make a sound? Do the other trees make fun of it?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If Superglue is so good why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, do you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If the "black box" survives every plane crash, why not make the entire plane out of that stuff?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit" rather than a "near miss"?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote? Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why

“Aim towards the Enemy.” – Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.” – U.S. Army

“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” – U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” – Infantry Journal

“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” – Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance

“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” – U.S. Air Force Manual

“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.” – Infantry Journal

“Tracers work both ways.” – U.S. Army Ordnance

“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.” – Infantry Journal

“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” – Col. David Hackworth

“If your attack is going too well, you’re probably walking into an ambush.” – Infantry Journal

“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.” – Joe Gay

“Any ship can be a minesweeper … once.” – Anon

“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” – Unknown Army Recruit

“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.” – Your Buddies

(And lastly)

“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.” —U.S.A. Ammo Troop

1. Tell me about yourself. I'm Thomas
2. What are your strengths? General Awsomness
3. What are your weaknesses? Sharp Objects
4. Who was your favorite manager and why? Brian he was the greatest
5. What kind of personality do you work best with and why? Split Personality
6. Why do you want this job? It pays the bills
7. Where would you like to be in your career five years from now? Retired
8. Tell me about your proudest achievement. Winning a gold medal a Beijing 2008
9. If you were at a business lunch and you ordered a rare steak and they brought it to you well done, what would you do? Send my compliments to the chef. He new i was tricking when i asked for a rare steak.
10. If I were to give you this salary you requested but let you write your job description for the next year, what would it say? I would like a year off to work on my golf swing
11. Why is there fuzz on a tennis ball? To show it is a tennis ball and not just a regular ball
12. How would you go about establishing your credibility quickly with the team? Buy it
13. There's no right or wrong answer, but if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? 6 feet under
14. How would you feel about working for someone who knows less than you? I would choke slam them
15. Was there a person in your career who really made a difference? Yes
16. What's your ideal company? Bridgecorp
17. What attracted you to this company? High intrest rates
18. What are you most proud of? My great facial features
19. What are you looking for in terms of career development? 50% pay rise each year
20. What do you look for in terms of culture -- structured or entrepreneurial? a bit of both
21. What do you like to do? Swim in custard
22. Give examples of ideas you've had or implemented. Invest in Bridgecorp, build a hose out of rice.
23. What are your lifelong dreams? To eat a whole batch of playdough
24. What do you ultimately want to become? The green lantern
25. How would you describe your work style? Slow
26. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Starlet
27. Tell me about a time where you had to deal with conflict on the job. I shot my boss's knee caps and i got a 2% pay cut
28. What's the last book you read? Oxford dictionary
29. What magazines do you subscribe to? The cut
30. What would be your ideal working situation? retired
31. Why should we hire you? so i can get payed
32. What did you like least about your last job? lack of health program's
33. What do you think of your previous boss? he was quite bossy
34. How do you think I rate as an interviewer? pretty crappy
35. Do you have any questions for me? are you hitting on me?
36. When were you most satisfied in your job? After i got fired
37. What can you do for us that other candidates can't? Juggle
38. What are three positive things your last boss would say about you? Good looks, whit and charm
39. What negative thing would your last boss say about you? he was a better worker then me
40. If you were an animal, which one would you want to be? Liger
41. What salary are you seeking? $500,000
42. What's your salary history? $1000
43. Do you have plans to have children in the near future? Yes 15
44. What were the responsibilities of your last position? Make coffee
45. What do you know about this industry? its the best
46. What do you know about our company? its currently hiring staff
47. How long will it take for you to make a significant contribution? A lifetime of hard work and commitment
48. Are you willing to relocate? No i was thinking you could move the business closer to my house
49. What was the last project you headed up, and what was its outcome? Built a bridge, it fell down
50. What kind of goals would you have in mind if you got this job? win lotto
51. Give me an example of a time that you felt you went above and beyond the call of duty at work. Once i stayed past 5:30
52. What would you do if you won the lottery? Sell my ticket
53. Can you describe a