The Elm Park Olympic Games
In an attempt to influence the members of the International Olympic Committee in their choice of venue for the games in 2016(appart from death threats and blackmail), the organisers of Elm Park bid decided to create a new schedule of events bringing the physical capacitance of the playing field to the streets of Clonmel. Here is what they came up with:

The opening ceremony will begin with the lighting of the Olympic flame, only this year a native of Elm Park will ignite it ny throwing a petrol bomb from a short distance. This flame will burn for the duration of the games in a Honda Civic outside the " The Chiper".

The events have been altered in the following ways:
100 Metres Sprint: Competitors will have to run away from a rapid pitbull, place 10 yards behind them, for 100m with a television and a new DVD player in each arm
100 Metres Hurdles: Much the same as the sprint but with added obsticles such as car bonnets, hedges, walls, fences, etc.
Hammer: Competitors will get to throw any type of hammer they can steal out of aldi. the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievious bodily harm to members of the public within time limit.
Boxing: Both competitors will be given 20 cans of Dutch Gold each to drink and brought down to the Mayfair to scrap it out for the gold medal.
Pentathalon: This event will include mugging, Breaking and entering, joy riding, arson and cycling(see below)
Cycling: Each competitor will have to steal a bike out of Clonmel Bicycle Repair Shop and cycle down past the barricks and down on to the Waterford road. Last one to be arrested wins.
Swimming: Competitors will be thrown off the old bridge into the river Suir. The last three left will be fished out and made fight over the medals.
50km Walk:Unfortunatly this event had to be canceled as Gardai cannot guarentee the safety of anyone walking through Elm

kiss is the language of love, then we have a lot to talk about it...

methods of love....

* kiss on the ear--------------------"i'm horny"
* kiss on the cheek-----------------"we're friends"
* kiss on the hand------------------"i adore you"
* kiss on the neck-------------------"we belong together"
* kiss on the shoulder--------------"i want you"
* kiss on the lips---------------------"i love you" or "i want you"
* holding hands--------------------"we can learn to love each other"
* a wink---------------------------------"Let's get it on"
* slap on the butt---------------------"thats mine"
* playing with the ear----------------"i can't live without you"
* holding on tight---------------------"don't let go"
* looking into each other's eyes---"let's get romantic"
* playing with hair on head---------------"tell me you love me"
* arms around the waist -----------"i love you too much to let go"
* laughing while kissing-------"i am completley comfortable w/you"

ADVICE
* if you're kissing someone, close your eyes. it's not nice to stare...
* if you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely in love...

WhEn I rUn AwAy FrOm YoU
- fOlLoW mE


WhEn I pOuT My LiPs
- KiSs Me


WhEn i KiCk
- HuG mE tigHt


WhEn i cAlL yOu CrAzY
- iM cRaZy AbOuT yOu


wHeN i Am SiLeNt
- iM tHiNkINg Of HoW tO sAy i LoVe YoU


wHeN i iGnOrE YoU
- i WaNt AlL yOuR AtTeNtIoN


WhEn I pUlL aWay
- GrAb Me By ThE wAiSt & TeLl Me YoU'lL nEvEr LeT mE gO


WhEn YoU SeE mE aT mY wOrsT
- TeLl Me Im BeAuTiFuL


WhEn I sCrEaM aT yOu
- TeLl Me YoU lOvE mE


WhEn YoU sEe Me WaLkInG
- SnEaK uP bEhInD mE & rEsT uR hEaD oN mY sHoUlDeR


iF i DoNt CaLl YoU
- iM wAiTiNg By ThE PhOnE FoR YoUr CaLl


WhEn Im ScArEd
- HoLd Me By ThE wAiSt


WhEn I LoOk LiKe SoMeThInGs ThE mAtTeR
- KiSs Me & TeLl Me EvErYtHiNg WiLl Be AlRiGhT


WhIlE i HoLd UrE hAnDs
- PlAy WiTh My FiNgErS