Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely shit my pants."

FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL NAMED RUTH WAS SITTING AT HOME EATING TACOS
WHILE BABYSITTING HER BROTHER WHILE HER PARENTS WERE OUT GETTING
DRUNK.ITS 9:00 SO SHE PUTS HER BROTHER TO BED AND HE FALLS ASLEEP
IMMEDIATELY.SHE WATCHES TV AND AT 1:27am THE PHONE RINGS.SHE Pick IT UP AND A VOICE THAT SOUNDS ERIE.HE SAYS SOMETHING IN A FOREIGN
LANGUAGE THAT SHE CANNOT UNDERSTAND SO SHE JUST HANGS UP.AND LATER
ON AT ABOUT 3:13 THE PHONE RINGS
AGAIN.THE SAME VOICE COMES ON THE
PHONE HE SAYS CHECK YOUR BROTHERS ROOM!! AND SHE SAYS WHO ARE YOU
AND WHATS YOU PROBLEM??THEN SHE HANGS UP.SHE GETS SCARED AND GOES
AND CHECKS HIS ROOM JUST IN CASE.SHE OPENS THE DOOR AND SHE SEES
HER BROTHER HANGING FROM THE CLOSET DEAD!!!SHE CALLS THE POLICE
AND THEY COME RIGHT OVER.THEY DO THE WHOLE INSPECTION THING AND
SHE GOES
TO COURT AND THE JUDGE FINDS HER GUILTY OF
FIRST DEGREE MURDER OF HER BROTHER PELSWICK OSWALD THE THIRD.SHE
WAS SENTENCED TO LIFE IN PRISON.THIS IS NO JOKE ITS A TRUE STORY
OF A DEAR FAMILY IN FORK CITY, UTAH.SHE HAUNTS THOSE WHO DO NOT
RE-TELL HER SYORY AS SHE THINKS THAT ITS THEM WHO MURDERED HER
DEAR BROTHER...