Hetfield's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because James Hetfield will not take shit from anyone.
Hetfield can speak braille.
It is impossible to be raped by Hetfield because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
Hetfield clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
Hetfield is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
Hetfield could beat you half to death with only a toothpick & both hands and feet tied together.
Hetfield is the only man who can slam a revolving door.
Hetfield can divide by zero.
Hetfield counted to infinity ...twice.
Hetfield is the only man that can play his guitar even if the strap is 5 m long.
Hetfield is the only man that is known for playing a guitar while the strings are melting(friends know why).
Hetfield is better than God. In every way
Lars would happily die for Hetfield
Hetfield would happily kill Lars

.Chuck Norris can speak braille.

.Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

.Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."

.Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

.Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.

.There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

.The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

.Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer

.Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter

.Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

.Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one

.Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris

.Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is

.Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.

.Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice!

.Chuck Norris crossed the road. No-one has ever dared question why!

.If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

.Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

.If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris

.Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

.Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus

.Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

.Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

.Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice

.Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal

.There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control

.In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten

.Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month

.Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

.Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

.It took 10 days and 4 women to give birth to Chuck Norris.

.The year was 1979 a meteor was hurling towards earth. It suddenly stopped at the site of Chuck Norris. It asked Chuck Norris for his autograph, then Chuck Norris roundhoused kicked it back to space.

.The last person to catch smallpox was Chuck Norris. This was in 1977; today, smallpox lives in a crummy low-rent apartment in Central LA under an assumed name, goes to therapy twice a week, and still has nightmares about Chuck.

.Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until

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*~*PASS THE WEED*~*