These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling)collected by schools from all over the country (SA).

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
11. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre) (dyrea) (direathe) the sh1ts. [words in ()'s were crossed out.]
12. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
15. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
16. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
17. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
19. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
20.Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gang-over.
22. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
23. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach.
Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
24. Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Only in our luvly country SA
An example of future math examination questions?
Examination Instructions:

1. Please write all answers between the lines.
2. No part of this answer book may be rolled and smoked.
3. No children of students are allowed to participate.
4. Please leave all firearms in the possession of parole officers.
5. Bribes will be accepted at a minimum of R300.00
6. If this exam does not match the one that you bought in advance notify the examiner.

QUESTION 1

Elias has an AK 47 with 2 magazines taped together, each holding 30 rounds.
If he misses 8 out of 10 shots, how many drive-by taxi shootings can he attend before having to reload?

QUESTION 2
Phineas has a 12-seater minibus, to avoid discomfort he never carries more than 23 people. Assuming each passenger weighs 85kg, and piles 35kg of luggage on the roof, he drives at 140 km/hr and that his brakes are 25% efficient, what would his stopping distance be?
a) 300 m
b) 600 m
c) 10 m
d) Depends if there is another passenger to pick up.

Seeing you only need 35% to pass these days, two questions should do it!