"dangnavitsonofamonkeyspank"

"love is like TV, you turn the channel until you find the right staition."

"If barbie's so popular, how come you have to buy her friends?"

"shirts and shoes required (along with everything else)"

"no one can change me, only i can change me."

"money does grow on trees, where do you think paper comes from?"

"i live for time i can't remember with friends i'll never forget."

"god gave us beer to take away our fear."

"no wonder i threw up. look at all the puke i had in my stomach!"

"join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them!"

"you can only be young once, but you can always be immature"

"god gave us wine and beer because he loves us. he also gave us hangovers to remind is we're not in heaven yet!"

"if you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else!"

"i remember the time i was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. he said he wanted more proof."

"my school colors were clear"

"whenever i think of the past, it brings back so many memories."

"when i was in high school, i got in trouble with my boyfriends mom. she said, "i want my son back by 8:15." i said, "the middle of August, cool!""

"did washington just flash a quarter for his ID?"

"never go to bed mad. stay awake all night and plot horrible REVENGE!!!!"

"the difference between man and animals is that we dont use our tongue to clean our genitals."

"i told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. he said i was being rediculous- everyone hasnt met me yet"

"officer i swear to drunk im not god!"

"somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. she must be found and stopped."

"too bad the only people who know how to run this country are too busy driving cabs and cutting hair."

"a real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

"it's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship."

"i get to go to lots of over seas places; like canada!" BY BRITNEY SPEARS

"half the people in the world are below average."

"marriages are made in heaven. but so again, are thunder and lightning."

"i live on a one-way dead-end street."

"why in a country of free speach are there phone bills?"

"when i read about the evils of drinking, i gave up reading."

"time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."

"do not marry a person that you know you can live with; only marry someone that you cannot live without."

"i had some words with my wife, she had some paragraghs with me."

"the dumber people think you are the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them."

"i could tell that my parents hated me. my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

"life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!"

"after twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. he said, "no hablo ingles!" "

"is being an idiot like being high all the time?"

oh say i acnt see.
where the hell's my vizeen?
and my eyesight's not to keen.
i hope you're not driving.
who's that guy with the pie?
we get fucked up all night.
and the weed is not stale.
it's okay to inhale.
get the munchies like hell.
then we run for the bell.
hit the blunt one more time.
then pass it here cause it's mine.
oh say does that weed get me so high.
legalize it today.
and get smoked up tonight.

I pledge allegiance
to the fag
of the united groups of gays
and to the public
for which we stand
one group
under faries
invisible
with pleasure
and rights to all!