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stolen from killsometime.com - worth a look everyone!!
Little Johnny's New Word
Dirty Johnny and his friends were enrolled in sex education. During the lecture, the teacher kept referring to a "penis". It was "penis" this and "penis" that. The class behaved as if it understood. Immediately following class, all the students gathered around Dirty Johnny. "Johnny, what's a penis?" Nobody had a clue. Dirty Johnny said he would ask his Dad when he got home. When Dirty Johnny got home, his Dad was there. "Dad, what's a 'penis'?" His father unzips his pants, shows Johnny his dick and says, "This is a perfect penis." Johnny replied, "Thanks, Dad. I'll tell my friends tomorrow in school." The next day, all the students gathered around. "What did your Dad say, Dirty Johnny?" Johnny promptly unzips his pants and shows all his classmates his dick. "This is a penis. And if it were two inches shorter, it would be the perfect penis!"
My Wife and Best Friend
A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. As the bartender pours the drink, he remarks, "Thats quite a heavy drink. Whats the problem?"
After quickly downing his drink, the man replies, "I found my wife in bed with my best friend."
Wow," says the barkeep., "What did you do about it?"
"I walked over to my wife, looked her in the eye, told her to pack her stuff, and get the hell out."
"That makes sense," remarks the barkeep., "And, what about your best friend?"
"I looked him right in the eye and yelled, "Bad dog!
The Rodeo Position
Two guys are talking over a beer, discussing various sex positions.
The first guy says, "My favorite position is the rodeo position."
"What is the rodeo position, and how do you do that?" asks the second man.
The first guy explains, "Well, first you tell your wife to get on the bed on all fours, and then you do it doggy- style. Once things start to get underway, and shes really into it, you lean forward and whisper in her ear, Your sister likes this position too... Then, try to hang on for 8 seconds."
The Blonde at School
A blonde comes home from school and says to her mum,"We learned how to count up to 5 today mummy. I got up to 10. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
"We learned how to do the alphabet today mummy. The others only got up to E and I got up to S. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "yes dear"
"We learned about breasts today mummy. All the other girls are flat chested and Im a 36DD. Is it because Im blonde, mummy?"
Mum replies: "No dear, its because you're 25.
A girl called jess keeps falling asleep in class
one day the teacher comes up 2 her and goes
JESSICA, TELL ME WHO DIED ON THE CROSS
jess is sleepin so a boy pokes her in the back with a pencil...
in shock she jumps and goes JESUS CHRIST!
a min later jess falls asleep again and the teacher comes over and goes... JESSICA, TELL ME WHO CREATED THE WORLD
she doesnt reply so the boy pokes her in the back with a pencil again
Jess once again jumps in fright and goes GOD ALMIGHTY
jess falls asleep again yet the teacher comes over and says
JESSICA WAT DID EVE SAY 2 ADAM AFTER THEIR 29TH CHILD?!
Jess is sleeping so the boy pokes her again
she is so annoyed that she stands up and says
IF U POKE THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME IM GONNA RIP IT OFF YA!!
Statue Of Infidelity
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Dont move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend youre a statue."
"Whats this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in
1 Comment 318 weeks
A - Available: Nope sorry darlings
B - Bestest Friends: Lots, and they rock!
C - Crush: um hum
D - DOB: 7/11/89
E - Easiest People To Talk To: Dot usually, robyn, caffrey, all my good mates
F – Favourite place? dundrum at times, paris, bed, with my friends anywhere, having fun
G - Gud hug or gud kiss: Both!
H – Hometown: Ballinteer!
I - In love: wouldnt u just LOVE to know!
J - Job: Babysitting, teaching violin
K - Kids: currently i have none
L – Lushest celebs: Johnny depp, orlando bloom, heath ledger.....
M – Most cred spent on: boys!!
N - Number off siblings? 3
O – One essential thing: music!
P - Phobia: meh.....
Q - Favourite Quotes: if you can make a girl laugh u can make her do anything, and many more, theres a whole section above!
R - Reason To Smile: many many
S - Super Achievment: paganinni, which i havent got yet, but I WILL!
T - Time You Woke Up 2dy: eh....10:15
U - Unknown Fact About Me: well i cant tell u that!!
V - Vegetable You Hate: spinach?
X - X-Rays You"ve Had: arm, wrist, ankle
Y - Yummy Food: u ask me to PICK??? crazy ppl
Z - Zodiac Sign: Scorpio
1 Comment 328 weeks
Ah, its so funny, and so true!!
You know your a 90's kid when....
You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air" - 'so this is a story, all about how....'
You've worn skorts and felt stylish - never!
You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters club - ah yes...
You use to love playing with your MY Little Pet Shop
You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs
You remember reading "Goosebumps"
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"
You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school. - for years!
You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.
You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence... -Not...
You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together. -yup indeedy they were
You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates
You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
You remember boom boxes vs. cd players
You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"
You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool
You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell" - what a show!!
You played and or collected "Pogs"
You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger and you owned a Skip It
You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere (tamogotchi i call it!!)
You watched the ORIGINAL Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles
Yikes pencils and erasers were the shit.
You remember when the new Beanie Babies were always sold out.
You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.
You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"
You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack. - hehe!
You know the Macarena by heart. of course i do!
" Talk to the hand" ... enough said - ah, bless!
You thought Brain woud finally take over the world
2 words ... SPICE GIRLS - one word...wow!
You wanted to be one of Captin Planet's Planeters.... "Earth! Fire! Wind! Water! Heart!" "Captin Planet, he's a hero! Gonna bring polution down to zero!" "The Power is Yours!"
You remember My Little Pony
1 Comment 330 weeks
close Which Scrubs Character Are You??
Which Scrubs Character Are You??
You Are JD!!!
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