WHO IS JACK SCHITT ?


For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know
Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an
intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the
fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had
one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt,
Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb
Schitt, a high
school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe
Schitt
divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her
kids were
living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was
then known
as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a
son with a
rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the
other six
children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable
throughout
childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a
dual
ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced
the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg,
Byrd, and
Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He
recently returned fromItaly with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can
correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

the joke
This memo is to announce the development of a new software system which will be Year 2000 compliant. This program is known as "Millennia Year Application Software System" (MYASS).

Next Monday there will be a meeting in which I will show MYASS to everyone. We will hold demonstrations throughout the month so that all employees will have an opportunity to get a good look at MYASS. We have not addressed networking aspects yet, so currently only one person at a time can use MYASS. This restriction will be removed after MYASS expands.

Some employees have begun using the program already. This morning I walked into a subordinate's office and was not surprised to find that he had his nose buried in MYASS. Some of the less technical people may be somewhat afraid of MYASS. Last week my secretary said to me, "I'm a little nervous, I never put anything in MYASS before." I helped her through the first time and afterward she admitted that it was relatively painless and she was actually looking forward to doing it again, and was even ready to kiss MYASS.

There have been concerns over the virus that was found in MYASS upon initial installation, but the virus has been eliminated and we were able to save MYASS. In the future, however, protection will be required prior to entering MYASS. This database will encompass all information associated with the business.

As you begin using the program, feel free to put anything you want in MYASS. As MYASS grows larger, we envision a time when it will be commonplace for a supervisor to hand work to an employee and say, "here, stick this in MYASS." It will be a great day when we need data quickly and our employees can respond, "Here it is, I just pulled it out of MYASS."