Zlatan - “First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.” on a move against Stephane Henchoz of Liverpool

Reporter - “Is your playing style Swedish or Yugoslavian?”
Zlatan - “It’s Zlatan-style.”

Reporter - “You’ve got some scars in your face, Zlatan. What has happened?”
Zlatan - “Well…I don’t know…you’ll have to ask your wife about that”

Zlatan - “Absolutely not. I have ordered a plane. It is much faster.” (Zlatan about the rumour that he bought a super-Porsche)

Reporter - “Do you think it’s even possible for Ajax to lose nine points in nine games?”
Zlatan - “According to my calculations it is possible to lose nine points in only three games.”

Reporter - “What would you name your son?”
Zlatan - “Zlatan Jr.”

Zlatan (about how time stopped as he stood waiting on the side line to come in against Argentina in the World Cup.) - “You could have punched me in the face, I wouldn’t have noticed.”

Reporter - “How many one night stands have you had in total?”
Zlatan - “I don’t do that stuff. For me it is romance and love…right?”

Zlatan (Answer to criticism from John Carew that Zlatan’s moves are pointless.) - “What Carew does with a football, I can do with an orange.”

edit:

"An injury."
in response to a reporter's question: "Is there anything that could stop you from becoming no 1 in the world?"; 2001

"They just come, I promise. It is nothing that I plan."
about where he comes up with his moves
Swedish tabloid Expressen, May 2002

"What she got? She got Zlatan!"
In response to journalist´s question: "What did your girlfriend get as engagement gift?


"Zlatan."
Response to the question "If I say (Swedish footballers) Anders Svensson and Kim Källström, what do you say?"


"I haven't met her yet, but when I do, I will date her."
On being asked "Who is the most beautiful girl in the world?" in 2001.

During his time at the Riverside a story about Boksic circulated around Teesside. In a classic Armani suit-and bovver-boots combination, the ex- Juventus star found himself partnered up front by Noel Whelan. He was not impressed. And who can blame him? Whelan was a hard worker, a bustler, but he carried all the attacking threat of Tupperware. At one point during his Boro career he had scored more goals in his own net than he had in the opposition's. Boksic may have been so slothful he appeared to be teetering permanently on the cusp of hibernation, but he had standards.
According to the story, one Monday, after a particularly inept display by the former Leeds target man, Boksic went in to see the Boro secretary. "What does Whelan earn per week?" he demanded. The secretary told him. "And how long does he have left on his contract?" The secretary told him and the striker stalked out. The next day he returned, waving a cheque.
"This is the money Whelan will earn during the rest of his time here. Give it to him now," he commanded , "and tell him to f**k off ."

Niall Quinn tells a good story in his book. He takes a young Kevin Kyle out for a drink with Norman Whiteside. Whiteside's knowledge of the game impresses Kyle and he asks Big Norm, "have you ever played the game at professional level?"
Whiteside says, "Son,, do you know who the second yuoungest player ever to appear in a world cup finals is?"
Open mouthed Kyle goes, "Bloody hell! Was that you?"
"No" says Whiteside, "That was a bloke called Pele. I was the youngest."

Bryan Robson come down for breakfast while with England, Bobby Robson says 'Morning Bobby'
Bryan ' No boss, you're Bobby, I'm Bryan'.

Reporter to Newcastle's Shola Ameobi: 'Do you have a nickname?'
Ameobi: 'No, not really'
Reporter: 'So what does Bobby Robson call you?'
Ameobi: 'Carl Cort.'

I love the one about Becks when at the height of the abuse he was getting in the late 90s and the crowd kept singing "Does she take it up the arse" to him. He took the abuse for ages and then one day he must have gotten fed up with it and just turned to the fans and gave a cheeky wink and a nod. The whole away crowd just burst laughing and cheered him for the rest of the game.

Marsh made his England debut against Switzerland in 1971 and won a total of nine caps, scoring one goal, which came in a 3-0 victory over Wales. His career with the national team was ended prematurely after he made a sarcastic comment to the then manager, Alf Ramsey. In a 2005 interview, Marsh stated that Ramsey told him ‘I'll be watching you for the first 45 minutes and if you don't work harder I'll pull you off at halftime," to which Marsh replied: “Crikey, Alf, at Manchester City all we get is an orange and a cup of tea.”. He was never selected for the England team again.

Glenn Hoddle, insisted that Parlour saw the controversial faith heeler, Eileen Drewery. It is alleged that when Drewrey put her hands on Parlours head he asked for a "short back and sides'.

Sir Bobby is signing copies of his autobigraphy in a bookstore in Newcastle. A kid patiently queues for ages to get his book signed. When he gets to the front of the queue Sir Bobby asks him his name and starts to sign his copy....
Kid: "So, have you signed a lot of books today Mr Robson."
Sir Bobby: "Hundreds son, absolutely hundreds."
Outside the shop the kid opens his copy of the book to read what the legend has written............"To Jimmy, Best Wishes From Bobby Hundreds."

my mate was working at a small firm of accountants a few years ago, they'd just got a new client. boltons new def midfielder ivan campo. anyway he fills in his tax return for his first period and they write back to him saying we cant process these without some form of photo id. well he'd scored the weekend before and was on the back page of the bolton evening news heading home the winner........he cut this out with an arrow pointing to his curly locks heading the ball home sayin

Paul Scholes to learn to tackle. Hell, he's only a 30-something professional footballer, so it's not too late.

Richard Scudamore to fail his own 'fit and proper person' test.

Louis Saha's latest sicknote to specifically cite the prospect of playing alongside El-Hadji Diouf as a contributing factor in his ailment.

Luis Felipe Scolari to drop Ashley Cole and explain to questioning reporters: "Well, he's a c***, isn't he?"

Roman Abramovich to finally speak in public...but only to agree with Scolari about Cole.

Martin O'Neill and his lawyers to stop reading Football365.

Bernard Mendy to admit he only joined Hull because he'd heard, "zat all the women do the jiggy-jig wiz you for a blue WKD."

Roy Hodgson to declare his intention to sign Wobert Wosawio.

Kevin Keegan to insist that - following the arrival of Fabricio Coloccini - all his players adopt the bubble perm of Keggy's youth.

Cristiano Ronaldo to report back to Manchester United with the word 'Slave' permanently tattooed on his face, Prince style.

Sir Alex Ferguson to donate his collection of wine to Football365 as a Christmas treat.

Stoke to go one step further than Rory Delap and simply employ a gibbon to throw balls into the box at the heads of the players in red and white.

A Premier League footballer to have sex with only one woman at any one time. Without any of his friends in attendance with mobile phones.

An end to the 'Joe Cole's done very well not to go down there...' trend of congratulating players for not cheating.

David Moyes to get so short of numbers that he ropes in celebrity Toffees John Parrott and Claire Sweeney. Andy van der Meyde, of course, remains on the bench.

The Independent's Jason Burt to stop reporting that Oba Martins is on the verge of joining Arsenal.

Harry Redknapp to admit that, actually, as the manager of a top-eight side he is in an enviable position personnel-wise and he has a more-than-adequate selection of players available, thanks.

A Liverpool player other than either Jamie Carragher or Steven Gerrard to be interviewed immediately after a game.

Fabio Capello to hold an Ultimate Fighting Championship-style cage fight to decide his England captain.

Felipe Scolari to admit that he's only keeping SWP on Chelsea's books because he can get into all those tight places that are difficult to clean.

Paul Ince to instruct his Blackburn players to do star jumps/squat thrusts army-style if they make a mistake. During a game.

The prices of tickets for Premier League matches to fall at the same rate as the housing market.

Sam Allardyce to finally find time to respond to the allegations against him in the BBC's Panorama programme.

Liverpool fans to have a sense of perspective to match their reputed sense of humour.

Garth Crooks to utter a short sentence that ends in a question mark.

Wayne Rooney to light up a cigarette in a dull moment during an 8-0 humiliation of Stoke.

Robbie Keane to revive the glorified roly-poly. We kind of miss it.

Neither Stoke, Hull nor West Brom to be described as 'plucky' just because they manage to hold a member of the Big Four to a 1-0 defeat with the imaginative arrangement of ten defenders.

Michael Owen, Ledley King and Robin van Persie to donate their legs to medical research. After all, they don't use them.

Alan Shearer to say something insightful, thought-provoking, unique, controversial, original or memorable.

An electric shock to be automatically administered to the private parts of any pundit who says the words, "he'll be disappointed with that."

Brian Barwick to appear in the box at Wembley glugging from a jug of goose fat.

The next winners of the Championship to refuse a place in the Premier League on the grounds that it's just too embarrassing.

A quality player at a non-big four club to say, "Actually, I'd like to stay here and help us try to achieve something long-term."

Gary Lineker to be replaced as MOTD present