So apparently I'm not done.

Recently I was in Dublin. It was sexy. Sort of cute and crumbling.. clearly there were no lies when our good friend quoted "Who needs friends when you've got heroin!?". Before I moved to this shithole, which mind you isn't half as bad as I make it out to be, I was somewhat normal, I think. Beg to differ? So maybe a bit of a mess, I won't argue that. But at least the focal point was clear. That was life. It would always be life. And little more did I expect from it. When I was wandering around the pretty streets of Ireland something occured to me. What exactly IS IT that I expect from life!? No, don't get carried away now I'm not here to rant about the importance of our existence and our duty to our creators.. but it really made me stop and think. Do I want to spend the rest of my life bouncing around like I've done so far? Hopping from hope to hope to person to person to dream to dream? (Yeah I was thinking it too.. dreeeamm, a little dreaaam).. No, but really. So I've finally made my fucking mind up and decided to come home. Sure it's scary I mean fuck, I've lived here for three years and now I'm supposed to pick up and leave this fantasy world and pop back nicely like a little tree frog into the world I used to be a part of? And sure, it excites me and most of me knows that hey, that's exactly what WILL happen. But then this whole other part of me is like DUDE.. you're never going to see these people again. You'll visit.. but one day you will stop. And it will never be the same. Cliched! But true. Somehow. How to say goodbye again I'm not sure. I mean it's all ending really.. it's all becoming a new beginning so to speak. Am I ready for that? I think so. But am I ready to leave what I thought was so real.. am I ready to leave the one stupid thing that keeps me caring.. the one thing that makes me think WOW.. if I wanted to, I could completely divert my life - right here, right now.

But you can't put your life on hold for something that's always going to hurt you. You can't wait for something that only wants you when it suits them.

So I guess that brings us back to my last train of thought.

What a FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 !!!!
Ding Ding 2 am, time for a smoke and to stop writing to this shit like a poor fat old bastard with a high speed connection and absolutely no life whatsoever.
.. Wow, that almost sounds appealing.

Change is overrated. At the same time I'd probably go insane without it. At the moment I'd say there's nothing I crave more than normality - yeah fuckers, rejoining the human race! Joy.

So it pretty much feels like I've wasted almost two years on one peice of insignificant shit. Yet I say that and don't mean it all - I suppose it's taught me a lot. Right. People always crap on about how when you're young it's all about "learning to be with people", and that it's healthy to go out with lots of different people, try new things and read inane books look "Discover Self Peace - You are your own muse". Well how do you learn to be with people without actually wanting to be with them? Seriously, want do you learn from that? Better yet what do you learn from being with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Learn how to be neglected? Learn how to pine for something that will never be entirely yours? Learn how waste time that's clearly being spent learning nothing at all!? It's funny when you get to a point where you question your own reasoning. It's one thing to take someone else's opinion and agree or disagree.. but seriously, when you start to disagree with yourself - it's time to hit the booze cabinet and drink yourself silly cause i'm going with three options, a)you're insane, b)you're completely delusional or c)you're absolutely ridiculously and utterly in love ALONE. Yes we all know that - the one way hitch, the "next time buddy", the long shitpath that we all go down at least once in our pathetic, meaningless lives. There's no point. It amounts to nothing. No matter how many days you spend listening to "Independant Woman" (suck it, slut), walking passed 'memory spots' and laughing like you're better; that you've moved on from the endless cravings for even the smallest, simplest banter - stop lying to yourself.

At the end of the day everyone's full of shit, especially yourself.

Soooo line anyone??

Not too sure why I'm on this shit...
More addictive then i remember.
But you all need myspace.
seriously.