Lelia walks into a supermarket and buys the following items:

1 Bar of Soap
1 Toothbrush
1 Tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 pint of milk
1 apple
1 banana
1 orange
1 plum
1 grapefruit
1 tomato
1 lettuce
1 cabbage
1 baking potato
1 Kraft single
1 samosa
1 vegetable pakora
1 muesli bar
1 pie
1 frozen pizza
1 single frozen dinner
The bloke behind her in the queue taps her on the shoulder. He is carrying a basket with a six pack of Stella, a pizza and some Wagon Wheels.

As she turns he smiles at her and says, "Single, eh?"

The girl smiles sheepishly and replies, "How did you guess?"

He looks at her - straight in the eyes and gently says, "Because you're minging"

1.Laugh at him.
2.Knit him things. Really hideous things.
3.Dance the Funky Chicken.
4.Ask him when was the last time he took a bath.
5.Play 'knock-&-run' at his bedchamber door late at night.
6.Pinch him. Make sure he squeals.
7.Greet him in the mornings with a sarcastic 'My sir, you look particularly menacing today.'
8.Keep a 'good-behaviour chart'. Award points and give out gold stars.
9.Taunt him about his middle name. 'Marvolo? What's that - a washing detergent?'
10.Magic-marker Potter-style glasses on him while he sleeps.
11.Apparate into and out of his room rapidly. Do this non-stop for an hour. *poof* there *poof* gone *poof* there...
12.Play cards with him. Tell him he has no poker-face and how does he expect to rule supreme without one?
13.'Did you even HAVE a girlfriend? Like, ever?'
14.Anytime he enters any room, insist on entering first and announcing him grandly.
15.Encourage him to 'think happy thoughts!'
16.Ask him to give you written summaries of his sinister plots for revenge and war. Correct his spelling. 17.Get the song 'Can't get you out of my head' stuck in his head.
18.Buy him a stress ball.
19.Endeavour to teach him to steeple his fingers, lean back and say 'Eeeexcellent'.
20.Start drawing outlandish parallels between his life story and 'Star Wars'. Talk at great length.
21.'Imperio' his Death Eaters into a rousing chorus of 'All Things Bright And Beautiful.'
22.Tell him what Snape's really up to.
23.Sing 'California Dreamin' at the top of your lungs when he's trying to have an 'evil moment.'
24.Ask him to dance a polka with you.
25.Work cutesy phrases like 'pushing-up-daisies' and 'smooth-as-a-baby's-bottom' into conversation as much as possible.
26.Get him to play 'Twister' with you.
27.Tell him you know this great therapist in London....
28.Hide his teddy bear. That ALWAYS makes him cry.
29.Get him a plant. Act mortally offended when he doesn't water it and it dies.
30.Write him a theme song. Start singing it whenever he is about to do or say something particularly clever and nasty.
31.Offer to sacrifice Draco Malfoy 'to the cause.'
32.Insist on reading him bedtime stories. Include 'The Ugly Duckling.'
33.Tell him Wormtail has a crush on him.
34.Leave disgusting and rotting dead things near him. Insist that it is 'Aromatherapy.'
35.Cuddle him at random moments.
36.Throw biscuits at him. Constantly.
37.Sign him up for Little-League.
38.Ask him why he's afraid of a frail old man with a beard the size of a beehive and can't fight babies.
39.Mimic everything he does with exaggerated limb-movements.
40.Insist he help you with the newspaper crossword every morning.
41.Follow a few paces behind him, spraying everything he touches with a can of disinfectant.
42.Psychoanalyze him. Conclude that he is 'mildy depressed' and 'a bit of a control-freak.'
43.Mock his baldness.
44.Get him drunk.
45.Drag out a banjo at Death Eater revels and start playing 'Kumbayah.'
46.Let him catch you trying on Death Eater robes.
47.As he's plotting dark deeds, pretend to cough and mutter things like 'Not gonna work, or 'stupid.'
48.Be Harry Potter.