`sn on msn.. "hating my life as of now.." fackk.. i can't handle all this anymore..i hate it..it's like everything's returning and it's only been like two days since my happiness ended..trying to fackkin' figure all this shit out but nothing ever happens. mann..ever since yesterday, everything fell apart..and when today came, i couldn't concentrate on anything at all. i mean i fackkin' forgot my binder at home, and i couldn't get the right answers on the pop quiz (which was pretty easy) and then i couldn't finish any of my work. all this brings so much fackkin' stress. i don't even know what else there is to do now that all my problems are coming back. hmmm.. derr, kinda weird how today i didn't cry at all. i mean today was the day i broke it off with him just before the day of my anni. is that normal? gerr..i just don't get it no more..my life stinks and it will always end up being so fackkin' hard..sigh, that reminds me..although i may look happy, deep down i'm in so much pain. secondly..he wants me back..asking cindy for advice, chyeah it helps..but can i really face the fact of giving him a second chance? i mean it hurt me so much and i will always think that i was being used just to get back at his ex-girlfriend..it's what i'm assuming..and now i just really want to know why he did ask me..fackk..umm..early dismissal tomorrow and then no school wednesday. hmm..maybe i'll use that time to work things out..chyeahh haha..i'm kinda feeling better..thehee..just hope it doesn't turn suicidal in a couple of hours..=S derr.kay kay long enough..

holy shiet..didn't do a blog entry for awhile..anyway,so tired..went to bed around 1230ish two days ago and then woke up around 5-6 am to get ready and all for leadership. didn't get to school until 830 and damn was it early. then yeah, scorekeeped the junior high city finals and everything..didn't get home until 1ish. then was on the computer until 540 or something..did some karaoke XD lol..but chyeah, feeling all sad now because i know the relationship i'm in won't last as long as i expected..trying to forget makes it even harder..wish he was on right now so we can talk it through..instead, i'm talking it with my baby brother (not blood-related) and damn we're both sad. shiet..wish i was never in this situation..i should've just kept my mouth shut and all when he asked me out..fackk, and now i'm in this big ass mess. gahh! > it's driving me crazy. derr..maybe i'm over reacting about all this..it's just a relationship that doesn't seem to be a real one? fackk..doesn't seem to make sense..but chyeah, i'm gonna quit doing it..it might be the only answer to all my problems..i think? [cont'd--225am] fackkin' late now..it's already 12 something at his place..i doubt he'll be online..he's probably busy watching tv or something..sigh, gotta sort this out with him..i know my sister tried doing it and all because i was right beside her when they were both talking..gahh, why did i have to fricken fall asleep?! > shiet..and plus why didn't i wake up when my sister shook me? he was sad i think? or at least that's what my sister told me. well yeah, don't know what else to do no more..i was so fricken happy when i was with him..and others realized that..but i don't know what's happening to us right now..it's not like the first feeling and all. sigh, i should go off soon. getting sleepy and late..just hope we can talk it out tomorrow or something because i can't wait any longer..

haha..wow today was so fricken crazy..haha, damn..number 12 from valley gardens is crazy..haha like seriously..i don't know anyone else who can spike so damn good..haha no just kidding..there's many people..but when the first time i watched his game, it made me feel better..instead of being bored..haha..wow..i can't believe it didn't end till what was expected..the tournament ended two hours before it should've been. so technically i would be home like nine-thirtyish..so yeah..haha super late, but oh well. umm, i guess you could say i was watching valley garden's team most of the time since i wasn't working much..haha..ooh i forgot to mention that number 91 has an awesome serve..he's pretty short though..haha..hmm..oh yeah..haha, fricken michael asked melissa to switch with `ahem..can't say who..haha..but yeah, it's because he had bad odour and i was fricken stuck with him..haha, and i had my chair so far from him because i didn't wanna smell so nasty..haha..i still took a shower when i got home..haha, it's a good thing i can at least speak a little bit of my language because without it, speaking in english would just totally piss that guy off..haha..oh well..oh yeah, and he's pretty annoying too..hmm..volleyball season is almost done..too bad..i think there's spring league volleyball..but not sure yet..haha..so tired..i need sleep, but i guess i won't sleep till twoish in the morning because i gotta seriously finish all my homework..never occurs..gonna try something new..haha..oh yeah, when i came home, my room changed and then when my mom unlocked her door, their room changed, and then when i went to the living room, it kinda changed..haha..ooh another long blog..oh well haha..today was pretty much exciting =) haha i think andrew's JEALOUS! haha, just because i was checking out number 12 and kept talking about him when i came to see the guys in the canteen..haha..just playing..but seriously, he's not my boyfriend and now he's got purpur thinking that..haha..okay enough..=)