Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?
A: The joystick is wet.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
A: A brain tumor.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
A: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Neither could the blondes.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: (from a waiter, to a husband and wife) Table for how many?

A: A hundred and twelve — we like to change seats every few minutes.

A: One — my wife will sit on my shoulders.

A: I don't know — I can't count that high, either.

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid".
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them
anything.
It would be like, Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there
was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey,
you moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes
it takes. Here's your sign."


A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his
boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol'stringer of bass and this idiot
on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."


I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was
a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it
"Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good . They want you
to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
you."
"Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."


Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into
one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The
attendant walks
out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he
said,
"Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving
around and those three just swelled right up on me.
Here's your sign."



We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A
guy came over to the house and drove the car around
for about 45 minutes.
We get back to the house, he gets out of the car,
reaches down and grabs
the exhaust pipe, then says,
"Darn that's hot!"
See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have
stopped him.


I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of
adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height
of a bridge. The truck got
stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I
tried. I radioed in for help
and eventually a local cop shows up to take the
report. He went through his
basic questioning ...
okay ... no problem. I thought for sure he was clear
of needing a sign until he asked,
"So, is your truck stuck?"
I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back
at the rig and then back to him and said,
"No, I'm delivering a bridge ... here's your sign."


I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker
looked at me and said,
"Are you still here?"
I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's
your sign."