Lol, i memba me n looie n mima spending lunch
tryin 2 think of as many as possible...

1. Cover your stump before you hump
2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3. Don't be silly, protect your willy
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout
5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong
7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat
13. While you're undressing venus, dress up your penis
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker
17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18. The right selection will protect your erection
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil
20. A crank with armor will never harm her
21. No glove, no love!

Strange labels

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???.....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????....)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness..." (and...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere? I wonder what sort of consumer complaint led to this brilliant advice!!!!)

1.) That's not right................. Sum Ting Wong

2.) Are you harbouring a fugitive?............ Hu Yu Hai Ding?

3.) See me asap................. Kum Hia Nao

4.) Stupid man.................. Dum Fuk

5.) Small horse................. Tai Ni Po Ni

6.) Did you go to the beach?.............. Wai Yu So Tan?

7.) I bumped into a coffee table.......... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni

8.) I think you need a face lift.......... Chin Tu Fat

9.) It's very dark in here................ Wai so dim?

10.) I thought you were on a diet.......... Wai yu Mun Chin?

11.) this is a toe away zone............... No Pah King

12.) Our meeting is scheduled for next week....... Wai Yu Kum Nao?

13.) Staying out of sight.................. Lei Ying Lo

14.) He's cleaning his automobile................. Wa Shin Ka

15.) You have B.O....................... Yu Stin Ki Pu

16.) Great!........................Fa Kin Su Pa

17.) Theres an explosion over there........... Ka boom