Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool."

Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.

Gravity dosen't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt beacuse they are shaped like Ts.

The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles.

Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson.

Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you.

Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise.

Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity.

Asteroids do not hit the Earth because Mr. T swings a redwood tree to bat them back into outer space. The one that killed the dinosaurs was high and to the outside, and Mr. T wisely checked his swing.

Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot.

Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL.

There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk.

Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T.

In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools.

Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass.

Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved.

Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle.

Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity.

Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-nig

I've been thinking lately about who's the idols in my life so i thought id make a list of all the people who are the man!

- Anita- 13 pieces of pizza absolutely creamed my effort, shes the man!!

-The manager at McDonalds-oh the amount of shit he puts up with and abuse he gets from massive togans (ask rebecca) he is the ultimate man!

-Brett- Brett was the fucking man, he just took no shit from no-body.

-Sacha- just for wearing that ugly cat suit

-Chuck Norris- There is no one reason y he is awesome.

-Ms Christian- For showing that not all bogans are bound for being on the dole. (keep your hopes up antony)

-Ms Dredge- For her constant stories and just pure awesomeness.

-Julian- for his Dick Penison posters last year, greatest ever!

-Fraser- For saying "Fucking hell, bitch!!" to Mrs Brusen, oh awesome

-Sam Mac- For telling the joke "what do you tell a girl with two black eyes?...........nothing shes already been told twice" to Ms Dredge haha.



Ok so not many idols but if you think you or someone else should be on it just tell me and il think about putting them on.

-Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

-Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

-Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

-Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

-Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

-Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

-Chuck Norris can speak braille.

-Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.

-Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

-If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance!"

-Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

-Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

-Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

-Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body.

-Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

-Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

-Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

-When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

-Chuck Norris doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.

-If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear -Chuck Norris banging your sister.

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but ---Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's fucking beef.

-Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

-Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

-Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

-Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

-Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

-Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

-Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.


-Chuck Norris has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.

-Chuck Norris keeps his ID on the bottom of his right foot. Nobody ever asks him for his ID.

-Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

-The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that -