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- Me, Myself, and I
- ..at 8:30 am i woke up with an erection.There was no call for it - I wasnt in the company of a beautiful woman, nor had my awakening interupted an erotic dream, it was simply my body's chosen way of saluting the day.
This phenomenon of an unwanted, unnecessary and more often than not unsightly erection, is undoubtedly a design fault by god.
God did pretty well all round, creating the oceans, clouds, wind, snow, whales, tigers and obstinate sheep.He had a heavy workload and noone could deny the almighty put in a top-notch performance.
But in one particular area - the design implementation of the workings of the human penis, his work was sloppy.
God bless him.
- The Other Half Of Me
ronaldos sex biscuit!!
- Round Ireland with a fridge
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Snow Patrol, Live Lounge Radio 1, cover of One Day Like This
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have a go if ur bored...
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and How did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why?
7. Describe me in 1 word:
8. What was your first impression of me?
9. Do u still think the same?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something that you couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?
2 Comments 321 weeks
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.
3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewelry is for wussies and chavs.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words '**** you,' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold... but not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop *****ing about the cold right now, you're going to be *****ing about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
21. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
22. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
23. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one
3 Comments 335 weeks
The Alco's Prayer
We believe in one drink, Guinness the
Makers of cans and bottles
Of all that is drunk and un-drunk
We believe in one brewer, Arthur
The only son of Guinness
Eternally begotten of the hops
Hops from hops, barley from barley
True drink from true drink
Begotten not made
Of one distillery of the Father
Through it all things were made
For us men and our salvation
It comes down from St. James Gate
By the power of the market he became
And was made a rich man
For our sake we are crucified under
Bad pints, suffer hangovers and A.A.
On the next day we rise again in
With our scruples and ascend into oblivion
We come again to judge the living and the
We believe in one alcoholic beverage
Brewed and bottled under one licence
We acknowledge one Arthur, son of the
Conceived in heaven and sold on earth
Blessed is the one drink through one
father and many sons
Sold under one label and distributed
throughout the world
We look for the resurrection of new drinks
And a cure for hangovers.
0 Comments 381 weeks
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