White Goodman: Cram it up your cram hole, LaFleur!


White Goodman: That's me. Six years and six-hundred pounds ago.


White Goodman: It's a metaphor. But that actually happened.


White Goodman: Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!


White Goodman: Your gym is a skidmark on the underpants of society.


White Goodman: Fucking Chuck Norris!


White Goodman: Turn it up, Reggie, I wanna burn.


White Goodman: I know you. You know you. And I know you know that I know you.


White Goodman: Go on and make your jokes Mr Jokie Jokemaker.


Peter LaFleur: I'd love to, but I don't think they make a "Sorry Your Dodgeball Coach just got crushed by two tons of irony" Hallmark card.


Peter LaFleur: Thank you, Chuck Norris.


Peter LaFleur: Alright Kate, time to put your mouth where our balls are.


Peter LaFleur: I found that if you have a goal, that you might not reach it. But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. And I got to tell you it feels phenomenal.


Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!


Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!


Patches O'Houlihan: Take care of your balls and they'll take care of you.


Patches O'Houlihan: Remember, dodgeball is a sport of violence, exclusion and degradation. So, when you're picking players in gym class, remember to pick the bigger, stronger players for your team. That way you can gang up on the weaker ones, like Winston here.


Patches O'Houlihan: Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge.


Pepper: That'll buy you one heck of a pumpkin, Cotton!


Dwight: We're gonna get our taints handed to us, that's what!


Steve the Pirate: Bollocks!

Patches O'Houlihan: It's like watching a bunch of retards trying to fuck a doorknob out there.

Patches O'Houlihan: You wouldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat

The King of the Superlative

"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete."

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"

"He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed"

"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a water buffalo with a
pea-shooter"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of
chips.......you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them"

"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the
windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."

"It's like trying to pin down a kangaroo on a trampoline"

"Well as giraffes say, you don't get no leaves unless you stick your neck
out"

"His eyes are bulging like the belly of a hungry chaffinch"

"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."

"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."

"His physiognomy is that of a weeping Madonna."

"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"

"Under that heart of stone beat muscles of pure flint."

"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."

"The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome"

"His face is sagging with tension."

"The fans now, with their eyes pierced on the dart board."

"He's been burning the midnight oil at both ends."

"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank"

"As they say at the DHSS, we're getting the full benefit here."

"He is as slick as minestrone soup"

"There hasn't been this much excitement since the Romans fed the
Christians to the Lions."

"The players are under so much duress, it's like duressic park out there!"

"This lad has more checkouts than Tescos."

"John Lowe is striding out like Alexander the Great conquering the
Persians"

"When I see Steve Davis I see two letters... C S... Cue Sorceror"

"By the time of the final on Sunday he should be fit to burst!"

"There's only one word for that - magic darts!"

"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!"

"I don't know what he's had for breakfast but Taylor knocked the
Snap,Crackle and Pop outta Bristow"

"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles"

"Steve Beaton - The adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true
roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."

"If you're round your auntie's tonight, tell her to stop making the
cookie's and come thru to the living room and watch these two amazing
athletes beat the proverbial house out of each other"

"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there
were no more worlds to conquer..... Bristow's only 27."

"Eat your heart out Harold Pinter, we've got drama with a capital D in
Essex."

"If we'd had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they'd have gone
home."

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor.
They'll have to play outta their essence!"

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall
body strength."

"There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers... "

"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas
Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."

"He's playing like Robin Hood in the Nottingham super league"

"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts
orbit!"

"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the
Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."

"Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he's chuffing like a
choo-choo train!"

"He's like D'Artagnan at the scissor factory."

"Steve Beaton, he's not Adonis, he's THE donis

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