Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.
Come and watch pikeys making a mess
of the lives they were given by him upstairs
and kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs
What sounds on earth could ever replace
Kids needing money
or wives in your face?
Cause this people reckon
and me included
is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented
to calm us all down
to stop us going mental.
These are Chatsworth estate's
basic essentials
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes
And you shit on our head
but you pay the taxes
Imagine a Britain without
Chatsworth's buccaneers
who would come on your face
for the price of a beer
Make poverty history...cheaper drugs now!</i>

<3 Rum And Coke
<3 Getting Sean Drunk
<3 Bullying The 'mini crew'
<3 Pigeon Porn
<3 The Magic Cup!
<3 "EY"
<3 The Cleaner Sweeping The Floor All Night
<3 Elvis
<3 "Beat The Bitch, Slap The Bitch, Shoot The Bitch...Do A Little Dance"
<3 Hat Guy
<3 The Hot Tub
<3 My Last Night :]
<3 THE Hat
<3 Sean Putting His Finger In The Deep Fat Fryer
<3 Crazy Game Time
<3 The Way They Said Applause
<3 LA VIDA LOCA!!!!!!
<3 Running Away From The Jellyfish
<3 Stealth Swim!
<3 "very nice...how much?" "free!!"
<3 Ali G Guy
<3 Churro's
<3 My Birthday :]
<3 Canadia!
<3 'yh mayte'
<3 Making The Cleaner Feel Uncomfortable
<3 24 Hour Bar!
<3 Luther Having Panic Attack At Breakfast
<3 Flotational Device
<3 Hurricane Shelter
<3 Hang Gliding
<3 Russian Truck Rollercoaster
<3 "Why Are You Trying To Steal The Bread?" "I Like Bread Because I Am French"
<3 Fags For 80p
<3 Fish Javelin
<3 Banana Mama's
<3 Scary Cuban Guys Who're REALLY Bad At Hitting On Girls
<3 The Cute Truck Driver
<3 Elvis and John Lennon :]
<3 Shots Of Cocaine...how fucking stupid can u get?!
<3 Falling Off The Sunbeds. lmao

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is mate, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch then I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "It's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?". No dickhead, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stared at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

10. People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be". So what did they used to be? ears, wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser